Taking Care
by chaann
Summary: AU - Hi! I'm Deidara, the coolest cat in town. Sasori is my Danna and is the best guy EVER. He just cries a lot and never leaves the house. But that's ok since he has me to take care of him! Come join me on my adventures while discovering and enjoying life! So come along friends! Let's go! Sasodei if you squint. That's creepy though so don't squint you sicko. Mega OOC.
1. Taking care: Rubs

My first fic on here heheh thought I'd keep it short and sweet hehe ok bye leave a review if you want idc

* * *

I find myself sitting on the couch, no longer basking in the daylight sun but in the light of the street lights. It's gotten to where all I want is for my Danna to come home.

Honestly at this point the biggest thing I want from him is a head rub. Danna has these big hands with long slender fingers that he uses for making puppets and having them perform. I find his shows so amusing, yet when I try to touch the puppets he swats me away. What a meanie. Sometime I wish the puppets would blow up.

However I don't want a show or for them to blow up, all I want is him to rub my head and miss his fingers in a golden hair. Too bad he's working late tonight.

!

I can hear the keys jingling as Danna unlocks the door. Now I have to make a quick decision, do I sit on the couch? Run to the door and greet him? Hide in our room in the dark? If I greet him and be a suck up, I have a better chance of getting that rub.

I get up carefully and with great grace walk over to the door, ready to greet my Danna home.

"Oh hey Deidara. Nice of you to greet me."

Danna leans foreword and pats me on the head briefly messing my hair with his super fingers. Definitely not long enough though and then makes his way to the kitchen holding as take out bag.

"How's some tuna for dinner?"

He's so perfect. His lovely red hair and dreamy brown eyes. I'm so glad he's mine and mine only and no one else can have him.

Here I can only let a loud cry of happiness as he makes my favorite food.

After we both get our fix of dinner I flop by my Danna's side, basking in the new heat that is his him as a whole. He is focused intensely on the tv, I take this as my chance so I nuzzle my face into his thigh.

Still focused on the tv, my Danna reaches his hand down to rub my head without second thought. Those large hands with their long slender fingers tussle my hair this way and that, but I can't be bothered to care. His hand moves around to the back of my neck and rubs there as well, slowly moving down. After moving back up to my head, a long slender finger makes its way to under my chin getting a sensitive area. I close my eyes in pure pleasure since this is too good. I'm literally purring he's so amazing.

After a good thirty minutes of rubbing, my Danna gets up removing me carefully from him and slipping a pillow in his place as if trying his best not to disturb me. He takes such good care of me...

He's so perfect and mine and no one else's.

I wander to our room where I can see him getting into his sleeping clothes. I crawl on the plush bed waiting for him to join me after he's done his before sleeping activities.

Danna crawls into bed and I crawl to him ready to snuggle. before lies down he pulls me to his warm chest sitting there running his fingers through my hair again. He doesn't have to say anything at this point, I know he loves me.

My Danna is so great and so sweet, I find myself leaning upward and giving him a soft kiss. Him being the wonderful Danna he is, he gives me a peck back before leaning over and shutting off the lamp and snuggling into bed.

I snuggle into my Danna's chest, completely soothed by the rub earlier until I hear:

"Ok Brat, I know you're a good kitty, so let's not have me wake up to dead rodent in my bed tomorrow ok?"

Pfft..Yeah right.

He takes care of me, I take care of him.


	2. Taking care: Food

I wrote another chapter hahah I'm sorry but stupid kitty deidara is very important.

* * *

Sometimes I worry about my Danna.

When he has a day off from work, he's always in his workshop making puppets. I think they're cool don't get me wrong yeah, but he should be paying attention to ME on his days off.

I'm getting off topic a little...

When he's cooped up in his room, it's more like he's trapped himself in there. It's unhealthy. Now me? I'm healthy. Danna said I could go outside but told me to be back before it got dark. I could spend much longer outside, but Danna trusts me to come home when he tells me to... So I will.

While outside you see yeah, I spent all my time in the garden behind our house. I chased a bird, chased a butterfly, ate some ladybugs, basked in the sun...you know, good outside healthy nice times. Danna should join me sometime..

Now I'm just sitting here on the window cill looking into Danna's workshop. The way he's hunched over is very unhealthy. The room is pretty dark saved by the fact he has this scary bright lamp over his desk... I doubt he's even eaten today!

I guess it's up to me to catch him a snack if he won't do it himself. It breaks my heart when he doesn't cate for himself. It seems though I never bring the right thing since he throws everything away! So what would he want? A bird? A squirrel? A mouse? I guess I'll have to check and see what's garden fresh...

I hop down the house and scamper all the way to the ground making my way to the garden. There really are a lot of options to pick from..

!

What is thaaaat!?

* * *

I walk around to the porch window where he's open it just wide enough for me to squeeze into when I'm ready to go inside. He thinks about me so much~ Now where do I put his snack? Maybe his shoe? No humans don't eat from their shoes, Danna wouldn't like that yeah.

I look around the kitchen where he keeps his food wondering where to put it. I cant get a dish out myself so maybe a dish that's already out..

Why hello there.

I hop on the forbidden counter and plop the snack into a warm cup filled with the stinky black stuff Danna drinks when he looks sleepy or when he wakes up. This is the one from this morning and it has stayed warm from sitting in the suns rays...just like me!

I'm so great. I made him a soup! I really should get him out here to eat though. Silly Danna doesn't know how to take care of himself, but that's alright cause he has me to do so yeah.

I saunter down the hallway to his work shop and begin clawing and whining and the door...he sure is taking his sweet time to pay attention to me. I really wish those puppets would just explode right now! I can hear his...unusually heavy footsteps? Oh! he must need his icky black drink! I hope he likes what I did to it!

"Back in the house already? Ah jeeze, What times is it?" Danna checks out his watch. I don't need a watch cause If you ask me, it's time for soup and then a snuggle. "It's noon... Wow I'm tired though, maybe I need a nap?"

Yes Danna have a nap with me and we can snuggle and I can groom you cause you didn't do a good job today. Sheesh Danna - look at your hair! It's awful!

"How about a snack first?"

Oh right the snack! Cuddles are always better with a full belly anyway.

Danna and I walk down the hallway to the kitchen, he does a couple stretches to probably fix his back...and he... Starts doing dishes? That's not a snack yeah! Oh wait. I can see him grabbing the cup! I can see he's going to finish off what was left before he washes it...

"DEIDARA WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

Bitter black snake soup duh.

Danna seems mad, so I guess I'll roll on my back and show him my belly. He'd be honored to pet me there. Like, I don't know what's wrong, all I did was cook for him!

"Don't you meow at me and expect a belly rub! I almost drank this!"

I know Danna, you should have drunk it...but all I can do here is try to talk some sense into him. Sometimes he acts like he doesn't even know what I'm talking about! Why can't he tell I did this to take care of him? I only want to take care of him like he does to me yeah!

Danna grumpily walks over and fills my bowl with dry food. Hm. I thought since I did such a good job I'd get wet food... He continues to stomp about and makes himself a sandwich. He then grabs the cup of snake soup and takes it outside and...dumps it in the compost!? My Danna can be such a baby, he could have just told me he doesn't like snake!

Sigh

I hope I can still groom him while he naps. He's such a mess! Really my job is never done.


	3. Taking care: Girls

This one is the longest one yet oooo. I'm up for requests/suggestions on Deidara's adventures, experiences, being with new characters and stupid things he could say.

* * *

I need a vacation...a vacation from worrying. It seems like these days it's all I do with my Danna!

From what he eats, to how he grooms himself to how much time he plays with me!

He fails at all those things at times, but what he really fails at is when he brings girls home. The thing is- HE SHOULDN'T. He comes home looking wiped and then proceeds to tell me he met a nice girl and he's going on a date with her this weekend! But this is how it generally goes afterwards...

They go out somewhere fun and the girl asks to come inside even though Danna doesn't want her to. He says he likes to..take things slow? I think he just wants her to leave so he can cuddle with me yeah. It's written all over his face and in his actions when he paces around the house muttering and carrying me. So full of love.

However I complain now because on our couch is a girl that drank too much and convinced Danna to let her stay the night. Now Danna is stuck waiting on her, bringing her little white treats and water. No fair yeah.

"Oh I didn't know you had a kitty!"

Her voice is shrill and loud. Wasn't she just complaining earlier how much pain she was in? Girls are weird. Danna should put this one outside to run in the garden to get rid of all that extra energy.

"Uh yeah, his name is Deidara.."

Yes that's me.

Deidara.

Danna's precious ONE and ONLY.

"Why is he like, looking at me like that?"

I'll tell you why I'm-

"Two reasons. One, you're sitting in his spot and two, he doesn't like new guests."

Ah hell yeah. My tail wiggles in happiness, that's my Danna. He knows me so well! I can't help but look at him dreamily..I should go catch him some snacks, he seems like he'd like chipmunks...

"Deidara, no." Danna says walking past me to the girl handing her a cold pack for her head. Maybe he doesn't like chipmunks after all...

"Here kitty kitty kitty~ if I'm in your spot you can sit with me!"

Ah hell no. If you ain't sick you GOTTA leave. This house can only love one girl and that's aunty Konan - and you're no aunty Konan. Aunty Konan brings me treats, gives super soft chest snuggles, and knits me little toys filled with that happy crazy fun stuff...

My sweet aunty thoughts are suddenly destroyed when this girl picks me up and pulls me to her lap. I'm in hell. Danna hasn't even held me today, sure I woke him up but she's taking away today's first snuggles! Abort abort abort! C'mon Danna, I've been giving you signals all morning this girl is useless! I'm so close to gnawing at her ankles...

"Uh yeah, I'd be careful holding him. If he doesn't know you he'll scratch...actually he'll scratch anyone.." And he's right little girl. I am the mighty Deidara! You better unhand me before I tear you to shreds and leave you crying yeah! Besides, you think you're good enough for my Danna? Think again! I'm here to protect him from icky girls like you! In fact I'm done with the girl - I'm going to the kitchen to see MY Danna so let me go!

I flop around tearing myself from her and begin to leave, unfortunately not making it very far , and a shrill laughter enters my ears, "Don't worry!" She squeals grabbing the scruff of my neck quickly leaving me paralyzed. The only thing I can show is a look of pure terror as the foolish girl drags me more to her lap, yeah.

"What are you- I don't think you should hold him like that." Danna marches over to her in his super cool tough guy way to hopefully my rescue. What do I mean hopefully? Of course he will! DannaDannaDannaDanna

"It's like, totally ok! I saw this in like a TV show about violent cats and - "

"He's not violent. I don't want you holding him like that." Danna reaches for me and swats the girls hand away; making her release me. I quickly scratch the girls hand and crawl up my Danna's arm clinging to his sweater sleeve, all the way up to his shoulder to perch and hiss at her. Danna puts a hand on my side, "He's shaking! Why would you do that to a poor cat? especially if it's someone else's." he sends her a nasty look.

Good question Danna. I'm not hers, I'm yours. Don't touch me ever again or I'll bite you lady. Danna is my superhero out to save me!

"What the hell? Oh my god! I wasn't hurting him, what are you like, a psychotic cat guy?"

"I love Deidara very much. He comes before all girls and I will not have someone treat him in such a way. It is my duty to take care of him. "

The girl stands ups quickly and grabs her coat and rushes to the door, "O.M.G you're such a cat freak, and to think I was gonna give you some! sheesh!" She reaches down and slips on her heels and marches out of our house.

He probably didn't want what she had to offer anyway.

Danna moves me from his shoulder to his arms. Really and sadly, I'm still shaking from when she grabbed me like that and I know Danna can tell yeah. He flops down onto his seat on the couch and holds me carefully is his strong arms - hands diving into my long golden hair that I just so happen to take great care of. He smells like his icky black drink and his face-fur removing cream, but that's ok cause that's the magical smell of my amazing Danna. I can't help but nuzzle into him feeling happy and safe now that its just the two of us again.

"Deidara, I'm sorry about that."

It's ok Danna, it's not your fault...just don't bring anymore girls home ever again.

"I'll really be more careful next time..." He begins to chuckle a little, "man I treat you like a little prince." and he tickles me under my chin and kisses the top of my head.

I'm royalty. I know. I'm the only prince you'll need yeah.

He sits up and looks at me, "How about some breakfast?"

Yes please! Wait - what did you mean by next time?!


	4. Taking care: Family

Yesterday during cuddle time, Danna told me that today Uncle Gaara was going to visit us. I have to let you know right here that uncle Gaara is pretty cool. Like Danna, Gaara is very calm and collect...in front of other people. When it's just the two of us and no one is around - they are both big softies all ready to play and cuddle. It's pretty obvious they're related.

Right now uncle Gaara and Danna are sitting around drinking their gross black water and some cakes that Uncle brought. Speaking of bringing things, he also brought a large piece of salmon for Danna to feed me-I mean to share...for dinner..

I like it when uncle Gaara sleeps over since we all share a bed in a great cuddlefest. Danna said something when I was little about them always sharing a bed when they were small and staying with ol hag chiyo. I wish Uncle came over more often so we could have more cuddle threesomes.

Uncle Gaara didn't come with Aunty temari or uncle kankuro which is pretty sad cause I like them too. Kankuro gives nice rubs and temari brings me treats. Ya know, I've come into a great family. Well everyone is nice but Chiyo. All she does is complain about my hair being everywhere, sitting on the furniture, bringing Danna treats...She also gets mad when I groom him and he lets me! He lets me groom him! Most of the time..that is... She doesn't even play with me. all she does is glare at me and she's always telling Danna to meet a girl and spend less time with me! I really don't like her.

Gaara is calling me over to sit between him and Danna and how could I refuse? Two snugly bugly red heads oh yes! I plop myself between them and roll on my back. Both reach in for my belly but stop to glare at each other as soon as they get there. What? No! Rub my belly! Your hands are there! Rub!

"Gaara, what do you think you're doing?"

Pet me?

"I called him over so I could pet him. What do you think you're doing?"

Pet me?

"I was going to pet MY cat. MY Deidara. The pet I take care of!"

Ok yeah so pet me Danna.

"Yeah then YOU should have called him first!"

Ok so no belly rubs?

"I thought it was a well known fact that someone can pet their own cat whenever they want!"

Oh so then start petting!

"Yes well I called him over to pet him! If you wanted to pet him you should have called him over. Besides he rolled on his back for me!"

I did?

"No he rolled on his back for me. LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES!"

I do?

"Yeah right! I've never seen him do it. EVER!"

Really?

"You little-"

Ok I'm out. I get up and saunter out of the room. I think Danna left the sliding door open. These two need to figure things out. I can here them finally notice I'm gone and start looking for me. By now I'm on the deck though so I think I'll play in the garden for a bit. Maybe they'll get working on dinner or go outside to waste some of thag energy.

But I can't help but feel a little giddy they were fighting over me hehehe. I have a pretty great family.


	5. Taking care: Play date

wow another one cool. This one has hidan but I didn't make him swear I just made him rude. Hopefully you can tell when Deidara is talking to hidan and when he's just telling the story. I didnt make it too obvious but you should get it. also everyone has seen a wet fluffy cat right? They're not fat. Just fluffy.

* * *

Danna announced this morning that it was play date day. The thing is I don't really like play date days. Don't get me wrong yeah, I love playing! It's just who I play with I have trouble being with.

I can see from the window the car pull up. It's pretty junky - not like Danna's pretty red car - and I can see the big fellow in it get out of it to open the back door and retrieve a white travel kennel.

I don't like either of them really. The man is rough and mean, and the cat is rude and always trying to pick a fight. Why can't Danna get me new friends? Just because meanie pants got him from the same place as Danna got me, doesn't mean we have to play together. Also, I really don't like it when he tries to mount me.

!

I jump from the knocking at the door. I must have spaced out a little oopsie. Danna trots over to the door rather quickly since he doesn't like making people wait and doesn't like to be kept waiting. Boy do I know that well. Sheesh.

"Hello Kakuzu." Danna bends down and looks in the kennel "Sup, Hidan."

You may think I could have gone into hiding when I heard they were coming but no, it's not that easy. Danna would have punished me in one way or another and Hidan would have tracked me down no matter what. I can never win on play dates. Danna thinks I have fun but I don't have fun. HOW could I have fun? It's Hidan and Kakuzu. I'd rather just play with Danna, Uncle Gaara and Aunty Konan. Lovely bunch they are.

Once they're in the house Kakuzu proceeds to bend down and let Hidan out. Hidan is a sleek, silver colored kitty with goofy pink eyes. Danna called Hidan a pretty kitty once, but after they left he told me how beautiful and how much nicer I was and gave me many kisses and said he loves me. So I win.

Hidan is a troubled kitty. He is always getting in trouble, breaking things (and blaming me) and self harming. Yup. You heard me yeah. A self harming kitty. I heard Danna and Kakuzu talking about how Hidans old family was a group of Jashinists and that they promoted violent self sacrifice and...hurting other living things and how it passed on to their cat. It scared me when playing with him at first how he would scratch himself till he bled, or would purposely fall off high furniture and not land on his feet. Hidan won't change his old collar either. Well, he'll change it as long as the old pendant gets put on. I feel bad that Kakuzu has to take care of such a naughty kitty. 'Sup loser.' Oh would you look at that yeah - he came over to me. I look over at Danna to see him setting up his video games to play with Kakuzu. I wish I could play with Danna like that too. I wish I could play everything with Danna.

'Heelllloooo in there?'

What, Hidan?

'Lets play with- it's back...'

What-

Both of our attention is stolen and we are now focused on the red dot on the wall beside us. I have never seen such a thing in my life! Look at it move! ...I wonder if I catch it.. maybe I can eat it...or give it to Danna. whatever works yeah.

It seems Hidan has the same idea as we both lunge for it, only to have it move so quickly and be somewhere else. I'm so embarrassed as I can hear and see Danna and Kakuzu watching and laughing at us, sharing something metal in their hands...whatever that metal thing is its not important yeah. I gotta get the red dot and besides, I'd like to see them catch the red thing since I bet they can't.

I watch as Hidan runs for it right into the wall with a big thud. Quite humorous if you ask me and It's ok because he has a thick empty skull.

Danna laughs at him, "Make sure Deidara doesn't do that. I don't want him getting hurt!"

Don't worry Danna, I won't run into the wall like the big stupid Hidan yeah. Besides, how could you two control where I run after the light? It's not like they're the ones making the light move. That's a silly idea.

Hidan and I chase the red dot for a little bit longer, but as soon as Danna and Kakuzu start playing games and stop focusing on us, the light stops... Weird.

'So fatty now what do you wanna do?'

Fat? Excuse me yeah?

'You heard me. You're getting fat fatty. Does your stupid Danna keep giving too many snacks and you take them like a needy greedy pig?'

Oh. No. You. Don't. I'm not fat yeah! I'm fluffy! Not faaat! Danna takes great care of me!

My feelings now are very hurt. I want my Danna to hold me! He doesn't think I'm fat does he? What if I AM fat? What happens if i sit on his lap and i crush him? Or jf I snuggle his chest while he's lying down and I suffocate him? Maybe Danna secretly makes fun of me when he's at work? Oh no what am I going to do yeah? Maybe I am fat! Who am I kidding? I must be fat!

Suddenly I feel a splash of water pour over me as Hidan knocked over a vase of flowers over me. I'm soaked! My hair is all flat and dark from the water yeah! I'm so upseeeet! I'm fat and stupid looking now!

Suddenly I see Danna bend down and swoops me up in a piece of cloth. It doesn't take me long to realize he took his shirt of and is now swaddling me in it. There are a few large pieces of broken glass, flowers and water all over the floor. It's no surprise he got to me this fast, this must have made a really loud and cool crash yeah! Too bad it all fell on me but thank goodness the vase broke beside and not on me.

Hidan must have had a great view..and laugh..

I look over at Hidan perched on the table being scolded by Kakuzu. He's soon doing the same thing that nasty lady tried with me and has him grabbed by the scruff of the neck while scolding. Good cause he deserves it yeah.

When I'm almost dry and my hair is all brushed, Danna fixes the ribbon on my head and gives me mega snuggles. Danna is seriously a way better care taker than Kakuzu that's for sure. I'm still even in his shirt! However Kakuzu got him a new one to wear. Tch. Hidan is sitting in his kennel all alone as punishment. Kakuzu even apologized and has offered to refill the new vase Danna buys with his own tap water. I'm not even a human and I'm sure that's not how it works.

'Hey so I guess you're not fat after all.'

What? Yeah! I told you I was just fluffy, Hidan!

'Yeah you're just a nasty furball!'

I jump to the direction of the kennel and let out a loud hiss before Danna can drag me back to his lap.

Ok these people have got to go! I'm so done with this play date! Hopefully Danna doesn't plan another for a long time... and by the looks on Danna and Kakuzu's face I'm sure they get what I mean!


	6. Taking care: Playtime

When Deidara says he sees colours like humans do (ex: sasori's red hair) I'm pretty sure cats don't actually see colours like humans do but ignore that. Deidara is special from the power of danna love.

* * *

Danna is late coming home today. He said yesterday AND this morning that he would be coming home early from work at around two. It's now three. He's late. whatever happened to not keeping people waiting?! What a hypocrite yeah! I'm stuck here in the house while he's out galavanting about- he better not be talking to girls!

Wait... I heard a noise... I have to get to the window to investigate and.. Yes yes yes he's home! AND THERE IS NO GIRL WITH HIM!

Ok he's getting out...Oh He's got a big bag of something! Did he bring home a snack? I love snacks. Even if he didn't he should give me a snack anyway yeah. I've been here waiting and being all worried so I better get one. If not, he's getting the silent treatment. I'll also wake him up really early tomorrow hehehe. That is - unless he redeems himself yeah.

!

"I'm hoome Deidara!"

Danna walks in the door with a big goofy grin and rushes to the couch to see me, but I'm still mad. Wait. Oh now he's showing me some sugar hugs and love..so ok this is nice! Why is he so happy? Did Chiyo die? Is that why he got off so early and was gone for an hour? Went to the funeral without me though? How rude yeah.

Danna hops up "Ok I will be right back so stay right here!" And with that he's gone and here I am back to waiting. Ugh. Humans.

"Ok brat I'm ready!"

However it doesn't appear that I'm waiting for long...oh..oh boy..oh..OH BOY. Danna is wearing his play time sweater! Which is - by the way - the sweater that Aunty Konan knit for him last year for his birthday! It's covered in my hair, but behind all of it is a black sweater with a big yellow kitty on it. I'm most certain that's me yeah. How could it not be me? I'm the best yellow kitty.

Danna rushes to the bag and flops down on the floor and grabs the bag and dumps out OH YAY! New toys and treaties and toys oh and look at that ooh I can't wait to play with that and that and that!

I see a new squeaky mouse toy , a stick with string that has a thingy on the end, a ball with a bell in it, a crackle noise toy, a new tunnel and another plush bird for my collection! I also see treats and a new ribbon..Danna sure went all out for this play day! I got pretty much all new toys!

Maybe he's dying.

Danna doesn't look like he's dying, But-

oh I want to chase that!

Danna starts off by tossing the ball with the bell and so while i play with it, he could take the tunnel out of the box in peace. It's ok I won't get in his way, I have a new jingle ball! Danna finishes opening the tunnel and grabs a treat from the bag and taunts me into running through to get it. Sounds fun. I'm in! Runrunrun-oh!

As soon as I'm at the treat Danna grabs me and tosses me around in him arms! Whee! Oh now he's holding me like a baby all ready for snugs.

"Good brat! Here's your treat."

Thank you Danna now lets play some more!

Danna quickly plops me on the ground and grabs the bird and mouse and gets on his belly and elbows. This can only mean trouble for Danna..

"Aaah! Oh no Deidara the bird and mouse have got meeee!"

Now we're ready to rumble! How dare they make my Danna suffer! The bird wiggles getting closer and closer to me...closer..closer...now...strike attack! The bird is strong but not as strong as me! Danna is here in peril and watching so I have to give it my all yeah! Oh man this bird is tough.. just like the other ones I have in my collection - it moves fast and is really strong! Outside birds aren't this fast, I've caught plenty to take back to Danna. This one will be nothing new! I can take down anything yeah! I do a harsh pounce in the bird and it falls to the floor in defeate of course since I am the great warrior Deidara!

Suddenly Danna rolls on his back and lets haggard cry and I see the mouse on his chest. That was the birds plan all along! While I'm busy fighting it, the mouse is beating up my Danna! How dare they! I run past the fallen bird and attack the mouse off Danna's chest, sinking my teeth into it while it lets out a squeak in distress. The battle is finished. I have taken both down and saved my Dan-NAH!

"Oh my hero! Thank you for saving me!"

Oh I love big hugs! However this kinda hurts..but..

"A kiss for my hero!"

OH. Kisses! You're welcome Danna! It's all in a days work fighting to save my most treasured ones!

He then hands me three treats yumyumyum. Playtime is always so much fun!

For the next thirty minutes or so Danna gets the stick-string-thingy and plays it with me. I got bored of it before he did, but I played a bit longer just for him yeah. Whatever makes him happy! I gotta take care of him and play what he wants sometimes.

Danna grabs the tunnel and moves it to my scratching post by the window and couch. He then grabs all my old gross broken toys and takes them to the trash and replaces then with the new ones. He however takes the stick thingy and places it on the table for later probably yeah. Danna then takes off my blue and grabs my hairbrush and calls me over for calm downs. I can see that next to him is one of the new ribbons and its black and red, very cool!

It seems playtime with Danna is ending for now though, but it's ok! He left the BEST toys out on the floor anyway. I can play with the bag and the tunnel box later!

* * *

Because isn't in common knowledge that you can buy your cat the best and most expensive toys but they will always rather play with the packaging?


	7. Taking care: Issues

This is for cheese pie sempai hey that's a rhyme.. hopefully you will all get my anime reference meow. This one is written a little different since no one talks. Also sasori is becoming more and more ooc. sasori is a crazy cat mom sorry. Hopefully he'll calm down soon...one day..maybe.

* * *

Danna is getting more and more worse every single day. About a week ago he spent most of his time at home crying in our room, on the couch, on the floor, and while eating. He has issues.

The thing that bothers me is what the issue is now, he's been crying over cat girls! I had a look at these cat girls and it's weird, like they are human girls with cat ears and tails, some are drawings and others are real girls yeah. The ones that don't wear clothes make him upset the most. Danna says kitties shouldn't act like that and proceeds to hold me and cry.

Now this was a week ago. Recently though Aunty Konan came by to visit me and got mad at him - I was already giving him the silent treatment for ignoring me to cry or hold me just to cry, like I was ok taking care of his tears at first but now it's just crazy. Well Konan suggested he watch a cartoon Aunty called a uhh..Annie moo? Anna May? Well you see I thought it was going to be more cat girls, or about how bad they are.

Boy was I wrong. Boy indeed.

Konan fed me and gave me lots of attention and snuggles before she left, but when she did I decided to see what my Danna was up to. He was sitting at his laptop all hunched up so I went to check and see what he was watching, but I was not surprised because all I saw was a cartoon about cat girls. Like c'mon Aunty Konan, really? Well thats what I thought yeah.

As I watched I realized it turned out to be about cat BOYS, big and small. I didn't catch what it was about but wow they did all touch each other a lot. I don't know why Danna was so entranced by this. I'm a cat. I'm a boy. Why does he need to watch Anna May cat boys? Danna spent so much time watching it that every time he looked at ME he would cry about how I'm not a cat boy yeah.

Excuse me Danna, I'm a REAL cat boy. Those things on the laptop that you're so obsessed with that you won't let me climb on the computer and sleep on your hands anymore cause you're watching them aren't real. Deidara is real yeah. Also for Aunty Konan, what good did this accomplish? It was cat girls before and now it's cat boys!

Maybe this gives me..a better chance though...

Oh well.

Danna then started drawing his own cat boy. He even framed one of his pictures and put it by the bed so he could hold me and look at it while he cries. The pictures are nice, but that's only cause Danna is an artist yeah! Anyway, the pictures are of a small skinny blonde boy with long yellow hair and blue eyes. He kinda looks like a girl...and a loser. Why would Danna want to look at that? I'm way cuter.

However, Danna is obsessed with this cat boy and bought a fancy-pink-stick toy and has been waving it around me and saying gibberish and for me to turn into the boy in the picture. Danna, that's impossible and you know it. Whatever happened to just loving me and me only like I loves you and you only? Daaannaaa!

Ok yeah whatever lets get to today...

So I've come to the realization that this cat boy is supposed to be me, hey yeah but why do I look like a giiiiiirl...I gotta admit though, dang he got the hair right! It looks great! However you may be wondering how I've come to the conclusion that this cat boy is me. Well it's quite simple really, what are you stupid? Yellow hair, check. Blue eyes, check. Long lovely hair, check. NOT fat, check - and most importantly is the fact that the new picture of the cat boy in front of me is wearing the same awful dress as I've been forced to wear right now yeah!

So Danna has issues that we need to take care of... I've also laid claim to the fancy-pink-stick toy cause it lights up all pretty and glowy and twinkles and it's fun to play with. Danna didn't want it back after I took it to the litter box and peed on it anyway. Ugh I just wish I was out of this stupid dress, yeah! Dresses are not made for mighty cat warrior!


	8. Taking care: Singing

This is short and not very good.

* * *

Me me me meeeee~ da da Danna what are ya d-d-d-doin? Tra la la dee doo cook is what you do do da da Danna you you ya you should take out la la la la da dee thee traaaash, it's beginning to stiiiink! Meooow~

Dada daaa daaaance Danna is doin daaaance be ba be ba dee I'm getting real tried dee so maybe please stop meow wee la la la. I don't think I caaaan la la la sing much longerrr. Hey baby baby Danna we should ba da la have a s-s-snuggle after we eaaat and also after youuUU showerrr! Ya ya la you smelllll~ meow meow meow meeooww.

Oh! Ok you're done Danna?

...yes he's done!

Ok so Danna was dancing around the house while cooking to no music. He looked really dumb so I decided to sing so he wouldn't look so stupid.

Ugh this house stinks like smelly boys.

The dancing made him happy, so it's not like I could make him stop, but I have to take care of him so I decided to make him look less silly. Besides, he's making lunch-

Oh no~ Falala loo da dee Danna don't start dancing again pleaseee!~ If you la la have time to daance you la la meow la have time to cook lala take out la trash da da de and baaathe!~

Danna bends down and picks me up and presses his nose to mine, "Awww is my little deidara singing to me?"

Hrnnn. Brush your teeth too Danna.


	9. Taking care: High Hunt

Easter and 420 are on the same day this year so why not have a drugged up treat hunt?

* * *

What an exciting day! I think yeah. Really I have no clue cause I'm locked in my bedroom with Konan and SHE'S TOUCHIG DANNA'S THINGS - ok she stopped. Konan knows not to touch SHE'S TOUCHING AGAIN WHAT ARE YOU - wait she's getting up...she's getting something from her purse...OH! Konan brought me super happy fun crazy party plant! I love that stuff yeah.

"Here Deidara-chan! Aunty Konan has something good for you!"

Well she's holding out her hand so nicely..Oh I can't say no to Aunty Konan! I would love to eat some of that crazy happy fun party stuff yeah. She puts it in her home knitted critters she makes and ah mah gash they're so much fun. This. One. Is a bunny. Funny bunny. Yummy bunny. Yeah.

Danna never gives me this stuff. He says he feels uncomfortable dugging his baby. What is he dugging? Does one have to dig in the backyard to make a toy extra fun yeah? I wonder why I'm locked in the room. What is Danna even doing out there?

OH I CAN SMELL SOMETHING YUMMY. what is he doing? I want in. I want to be out there...I feel fuzzy. HAHAHA. I AM fuzzy yeah!

I look over at Konan and I can see she's laughing too. My joke was SO funny. I should tell Danna. He has treats out there, I can smell them, and I bet if I told him my joke he would find it so funny he would give me a treat! SHE'S TOUCHING HIS STUFF AGAI- wait she stopped. She needs to stop doing that.

I can hear them.

I can HEAR the treats.

I feel fuzzy.

Yeah.

I was going to tell Danna something to get treats, what was it again? I CAN HEAR THE TREATS.

Wait, no, I hear Danna. That's cool. Yeah ok he can come get me and I can go out there and listen to those treats a little better. He's coming. He is coming...

!

"Hey beautiful."

"Hi Sasori!"

Whaaaaachooom.

Danna picks me up and gives me a kiss of the face. Man kisses are nice. I could have like, a bamillion and still want more, but they would have to be from Danna... And right after he eats tuna. Man that's hot.

"I called Deidara beautiful, not you Konan."

I am the fairest of them all. DUH.

Aunty speaks up, "Yeah yeah, are you all set out there or were you beginning to wither away being apart from Deidara for too long?"

Danna makes a scary face at Aunty. I don't like it when Danna makes scary faces yeah.

"I'm ready." Konan walks past him toward the living room and Danna whispers to me, "and of course I missed my sweet little brat~"

Aww and more kisses from Danna!

"Hey and Brat, you're kind of floppy..."

flip flop floop.

Danna takes me to the living room where I can see Aunty Konan sitting on one of the stools fooling around with the nasty metal flashy box she points at me all the time.

I can hear those treats calling me. I still had to tell Danna something too... For what reason I don't know...

"Ok brat," Danna kneels down with me still in his hands and looks at me "I put special Easter treats," TREATS? "All around the house. It's your job to go around and find them and eat them all, ok?"

Danna I feel fuzzy.

He puts me down and I don't wanna move. Does he even know that he walks on two legs? How does he do that, I can't even do that and I'm Deidara the Great! Maybe if I flop around a bit I can too mozy about on two legs and be taaaallllll.

Flop flip floop hey everyone look at my belly!

"Konan how much catnip did you give him and WHY?"

so much fun

Aunty laughs, "420 blaze it."

Danna rubs his face..hey if he can rub his face he can rub me! He wanted me to do something..what was it..

"Go find the treats, brat!"

TREATS?

Ok so I can pretty much hear one coming from under the table so letssss mozy on over there. yumyumyum. Now back to Danna.

"Good job Deidara!" They both clap for me.

So I got claps for eating off the floor? Will I get claps if I poop on the floor? Hm, I better not risk it. Danna sprayed me with water the last time I did that.

I can smell another treat. I can smell it, smell it, smell it! In my scratch tower! Yumyumyum. Ok lets go back to Danna. I feel fuzzy...hey that's funny cause I'm covered in hair! Hahahaha!

I'm back at the feet of KonanBonan and DannaBanana hehehe. I kinda just want to roll around now...

"Deidara are you sure you want to roll about?"

Yeaaah my man.

"Or would you rather look for more treats?"

TREATS?

I spend the next FOREVER looking about the house and I think I've had like, a bamillion treats and I'm still hungry. Aunty also kept flashing that monster box at me yeah. My eyes hurt, but i can relax now that I'm lying on the rug and wow I kinda just wanna snuggle now...I don't feel fuzzy anymore but DANNA IM HUNGRY.

"Hey Sasori, did he get them all?"

Ugh yeah, did I win?

Danna counts on his fingers, "No there should be one more actually."

Can you bring it to me, yeah?

"And it's right here!"

What.

"Good hunt today Deidara! We'll do this again next year!" And Danna puts a treat to my face.

Yumyumyum. Look at that! He brought it to me, I can't clap so I'll just flop my tail around...yeah that works.

Danna walks over and fills up my dishes with food and water and brings it to meee.. He takes such good care of meeee!

"Ok Konan you have to leave."

"What? Why?" She asks fiddling with her flashy box.

Yeah I'm done with her too.

"It's nap time." Danna says while gesturing at me.

"And you're going to nap with him I assume?"

Yes

"Yes."

Aunty Konan sighs, "Happy Easter you two."

Danna picks me up, "Bye Konan." and holds my paw to wave goodbye and speaks in a silly voice, "Bye bye Aunty Konan un!"

If that is supposed to be me then - oh who cares goodnight yeah.


	10. Taking care: Online shopping

Hello friends. haven't seen you since easter...Uhh I'm hoping to get into some of Sasori's issues next..as most of you can tell, that boy aint right.

* * *

It's spring~ And rain~ the spring~ and the rain~ it's really gross on my paws so I can't go outsiiiide yeaaaah. Danna wants to buy more fake kitties on the computer when heeeee could be snuggling me on a cool rainy daaaay.

What a buuuuuutttttt.

"Hey Deidara!"

Yeaaaaah~?

"Come see the little rain booties they have for kitties!"

Danna kinda picks me up from the window cil - well more like drags me - and puts me on the table so I can get a better look at the laptop...

Lovely. Yeah, no thanks Danna. That would make you think I am good to go outside in the rain when that's a BIG NO NO. You said you were looking for a kitty figure to put on your shelf, that ain't no figure, yeah!

"They have blue ones, and yellow ones and black ones and...oh look! Lady bug ones!"

I eat ladybugs and then kiss you.

"Oh my gosh! Baby, look!"

Baby? What now Da-wha?"

There is a large item growing out of the centre of that poor cats head! The poor thing and why does Danna look so happy about it? No Danna, No!

"Just Imagine! My little baby Deidara as a cute lil unicat, how cuuuute!"

Unicat? That's sounds very sad.

"Aaahh.. It straps on the ears..."

Uh, yargh. I don't want a horn strapped to the middle of my head thank you very much. Also, I just turned one like two days ago - maybe a month - I forget. Whatever, one year old is not a baby, yeah!

"Let's see what the next page has..."

Un, ok I'm gonna go play with my stupid weasel toy that I GOT WHEN I TURNED aONE aYEAR aOLD, so while you do that -

But it's too late Danna swoops me up into his lap and - I'm sorry - I can't be mad at him for long, he's soooo snugly ~ maybe if he would tickle under my chiiiin?

His hand slides all over my body and then,

Aw yeah Danna that's the spot. Get that spot under my face, yeah.

"Oh good! Brat, what about this?"

...What happened to Baby? And I didn't say stop sheesh.

Danna points out to two little figures of kitties kissing, a little red one and a little yellow one. They're...sorta cute? Also really lame though. But Danna quickly makes the screen move all about - I'm kinda dizzy - and now we're looking at a man and woman in matching pink pajamas that..cover their feet..and arms.. And have little yellow cats and red hearts and white fishies on it...oh and a hood with cat ears!

...

...

Humans sure like to wear dumb things. Such a shame they can't just have gorgeous hair like me, yeah! Ugh but, just whatever... that thing looks ridiculous and unfortunately Danna is impressed with it...

"Buy, buy, buy..."

No matter what I will always love him. It's my duty to take care of him and take care I shall. Besides, he so cute and snugly, yeah. And I know for sure we're meant to be. Big massive lots of love here.

Un. But Danna always does this, he says he's going to only buy one thing and then ends up with a whole lotta bunch of stuff. Most of the time it doesn't bother me since it's like really cool things for me, but sometimes he can buy some really ridiculous stuff. Does he really need little fake cats on his shelf and goofy pink outfits to wear around the house, yeah? And too much ridiculous stuff means I have to walk around carefully or I will knock it all over. Ugh.

I crawl on top of his still typing hands and make myself comfy. I'd like to see him buy buy buy with me crushing his hands... NOT THAT I'M FAT. HAHAHA. I'M NOT FAT. NO. NO NO.

Hm...but hey, sitting here is good and warm on my belly. This is pretty nice! I should do this more often...

A quick laugh from Danna and I can feel his fingers move under me. Told you I wasn't fat.

Oh Danna though, don't buy it or anymore junk! We have enough and oh and oh oh hey hey he went back to the kissing kitty figures. Maybe cause he bought that other stuff he can't buy the dumb figurines, yeah? I sure hope so. I mean we could maybe go have a nap now instead? Or you could give me snacks? Or that weasel toy Uncle Kisame got me for my birthday?

"Buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buyyyy..."

SIGH.

Hm. Figures.


	11. Taking care: Peeing

I've been peeing on the caaaarpet! All the live long daaaaay.

I've been peeing on the caaaarpet! Just to pass the time awaaay.

Can't you smell the peepee stiiinking? Smelling up our nice hooouse.

Can't you see the stain forming -

Danna clean it up!

Danna won't you please - Danna won't you please! Danna won't you clean up my pee-e-e!

Danna won't you please - Danna won't you please! Danna clean up my peeeee!

"Deidara what did you do!?"

Hello Danna. I peed on the floor.

"You peed on the floor! I thought I trained you better!"

I was just having so much fun playing - an then it just happened! And then when I did it I thought, hey! Why not sing?

Uh oh.

Danna scoops me up and puts me in the time out room. Otherwise known as the closet. No! Put me down! Even when you turn on the light in there - it's scaary!

Aw dangit.

I'm in the closet.

"You stay in there until I'm done cleaning your little mess!"

If its a little mess, why don't I get a little punishment? Lets say... Tonight for dinner I'll have dry food? And no I don't say that because its dry food night already. I say it cause uh, that's a punishment already so hey let me out.

Danna doesn't come to my rescue though. At this point there is only one thing I can do, meow pathetically until he feels bad and comes to get me.

Daaaaaaannnnnaaaaa, I'm lonelyyyy!

Huh, he's not coming...Ok that's it I've been in here forever. Let me out let me out let me out! Or I will scratch everything you love in here! Like I see, uh this thing and that thing and that coat, hey a coat! Lets destroy that.

I start my pounce to jump at the coat, I let my bum wiggle freely in the air to better prepare for the leap of faith.

! ! !

Ok so I jumped on the hangded up coat and we all just bumped into and knocked over something hard and metal smelling. It has a hose and a brush and smells like dust and metal. Almost sounds like the cleaning sucking thing is in here hahaha!

OH MY GOD. IT IS THE SCARY CLEANING SUCKING THING.

Now like the graceful kitty I am, I freak out.

I jump and hit the door, I knock over everything in my reach. I tear the coat, I hiss and holler and I hit my head!

The closet door swings open and I see my Danna looking absolutely terrified. It's like HE saw something scary like the scary cleaning sucking thing!

Well, now that he's here the only thing I can do now is climb up his pant leg.

"Dei! What are you doing are you ok?" He swaddles me like a baby in his arms and looks in the closet and sees the scary cleaning sucking thing. "You were hardly in there a minute!"

It felt like forever! Protect and take care of me Danna!

"Ohh, you knocked over the vacuum."

He inspects the closet a moment longer and closes it before taking me to the kitchen. "I'm sorry babe, I didn't think you would find out the vacuum was in there."

"My poor baby, here lets get you a treat." We take a few more steps before Danna freezes and looks down at me grumpily, "Brat?"

Yes Danna?

"Did you pee over here too?"

You know, I can't recall!

I look down to see him raise a wet sock out of a puddle on the kitchen floor and I can smell it from here.

Danna why did you pee on the kitchen floor? Sheesh!

* * *

loosely based on cheesepies adventures with her kitty. kittydei sings the I first part in tune of working on the railroad.


	12. Taking care: Socks

I am the best hider that ever hided.

Danna has been looking really glum lately. His sadness comes in cycles... So being the sweet, loving, caring kitty I am, I sparked up a game of play hide and seek.

"9...10...11..."

Oh no! I have to hide quick!

Wait. Wait wait. Hold a moment... I'm hiding already! Oh silly me. He will never find me here, the entrance was only a small narrow opening so that's good -

"Ready or not! Here I coooome!"

Oh my gosh oh my gosh he's looking for me oh my gosh yeah oh my gosh I wonder if he's going to find me oh my gosh what if he can't and I'm lost forever oh my gosh or what if he can't find me and feels bad and cries more!

Aaah I can't keep my tail still!

"Is he in the bathroom?"

Noooooo~

"Is he in the kitchen?"

Hurhurhur noooooooo~

"Is he in my workshoooop?"

What? No - now you're just being silly. Workshop is forbidden from kitties. Or was it kitties is forbidden from workshop? Anyway, access denied, yeah!

"Is he in the bedroooom?"

Ohhhh tee hee! Wait, That wasn't very wild-cat of me... Hoh Hoh Hoh! Better.

I can hear my Danna's footsteps go throughout the room, they start of close, go further, then back to close. I hear a gasp, "That doesn't look like a sock sticking of the drawer."

I'm in the dreaded foot clothes drawer? Aww cat, I thought I had the PJ one! Note: Danna pets me with the foot with the wearing of the foot clothes and I don't like being foot petted - you catch my fish, yeah? He only does it when he's in a goofy mood, but if I have to sacrifice sticking my butt in his face as a form of affection (and to get a bum scratch in return) then he should give up touching me with his feets.

"It almost looks... Like a tail of some sort..."

Oh my gosh oh my gosh he's going to find me!

OH NO - he's got my tail!

NooooooOooooOoOOoo!

I thrash around the dreaded socks, Danna still holding my tail, yeah. Until he lets it go and whisks the drawer open jostling me about the dreaded feet clothes.

"Hello!" He smiles at me.

Meow.

He sure looks happy and I can't blame him. He gave all his sad to me. However, that's ok, it's my job to take care of him - even if it means playing in his dreaded feet clothes. And having my tail yanked. I better get treaties after this...

* * *

I blame cheesepie again. If any of you have suggestions or an idea for a future one, throw it at me baby. help kittydei go on an adventure.


	13. Taking care: Roads

Danna said not to to play in the rude. What is a rude? I always thought it was someone being snarky, yeah, but it's apparently that place where cars car around and don't be crazy cars that hit other cars.

Danna also says there should be speed bumps out there and a stop sign at the end of the street so people aren't driving like imbocycles, but all his complaining goes ignored. Now THAT is rude. How dare they ignore my Danna, yeah!

Hmm, rude rude rude. What to do outside? I scared all the birdies and mice away, now what am I to do out here? If only there was a butterfly...

!

There is one! In the rude! I can't go in the rude! Hurry butterfly, go to the house across the street cause once you're there I can go there cause technically - that's not a rude. I'd just need to go through the rood to get there. Yes that makes perfect sense, I will not get into trouble. Danna said not to go in the rood, but he never said don't go THROUGH the road to get a butterfly.

Besides, that butterfly looks delicious.

I edge myself closer to the edge of the rood and see the butterfly finally land on one of those yellow flowers that turns into those puff things. This is my chance, yeah! Gooooooo!

*screeeeetch*

I look to the left of me and see that a big scary car one moment, the next it's dark so dark...and also hot. What's so hot over my head?

It's the cars belly! I've been eated! Oh Danna why didn't I listen! How am I going to get out now, yeah!

I hear a slam of a car door and see feet and...light? That must be the mouth! This thing has four mouths! Or two mouth holes and two poop holes, whatever, I guess if i ever wan to see Danna again, I have to go out that way, poop hole or not!

I rush out from inside the cars belly, past the feet all the way back home and into the open window in the front of the house. Lucky for me I see Danna while running to the door, did he know I wanted him? How un-rude!

"What was that noise? Deidara you're shaking! Are you okay, baby?

Unnn yeah, I'm a little shaken, but ok.

All of a sudden a loud knock comes from the front door and repeated ringings that I don't know where they came from. Are we under attack? Please, I just got eated and pooped out by a car, I've had enough excitement for one day, yeah.

Danna still has me in his arms and takes me to the door with him and we come face to face with this big scary looking guy who guess what? Doesn't look very happy - hey! He's giving ME the angry look! Maybe it was his car that ate me and I gave it a belly ache?

He points a big gross finger at me, looking even more grouchy, "Is that thing YOUR cat?"

Yeeeaaah~

"Yes?"

"I almost his that stupid cat! Didn't you teach your pet to stay out of the road?!"

Road? So it's not a rude? HohHo! I made a booboo.

"I did! But..." Danna doesn't finish but instead gives me a stinky look.

I'm in trouble... I should leave...oh wait nope he's not gonna let me go, I'm gonna die.

"There wasn't any damage to your car sir?"

"No but you should keep that furball either indoors or in line or it WILL end up dead in no time!"

Dead? Well I guess I would have died if I had stayed eated but -

"Trust me, he will be punished. Thank you so much for doing your best not to hit him."

The man grunts and walks away still all cranky pants, but what did I expect? He showed up cranky, he's probably going to leave cranky. Like with Kakuzu! Cranky, cranky, cranky.

Danna watches the man drive away and stands still for a moment before slamming the door and turning around and collapsing on it. There is a chance he won't do it, please don't do IT Danna, please yeah!

"Oh deidara you little brat! I told you not to play in the road!"

Well, technically I thought you said rude and I tech - ok wait your gonna start crying ok even when I begged you not to.

"W-what if I lost y-you!"

I'm so sorry Danna! Please don't cry! If you cry, I'll cry!

"Hgnnn I d-don't think I-I-I could live with you - "

He's cryinggg! I made Danna cryyy! I'm the wooorst!

I lean up and start licking at his face because kisses fix everything. I then nuzzle into his neck and gently paw at his chest, hopefully he'll accept my apology. I mean its not like I knew this would happen, yeah! Well actually, I kinda did know if I got caught I'd get in trouble, but I didn't know I'd make Danna cry! He was just trying to take care of me and I disobeyed!

If he doesn't stop, I will totally cry and maybe actually die from heartbreak.

"Bwaah! Baby!" He cries out and then returns my affection with a big hug. It's a bit snug and painful, but I deserve it for making Danna worry and cry like this.

"Ugh, Damn... This isn't going to end well, I'm going to be messed up all week!" He slowly stands up with me, stumbling a little as he walks up some stairs to the living room. "I should get an appointment with Dr. Orochimaru before this gets worse..." He mutters

Dr. Orochimaru will fix up this crying mess cause if he gets more as more sad cause of me I really will die, yeah. I couldn't live with the guilt! Hey, give me more kisses - what are you doing Danna?

No. No! That's the spray bottle! No! No no noooo!

/squirt squirt squirt

Auuugh!

I flop around in his arms, in fact, why would you spray me in your arms anyway? You didn't even give me a chance to run away!

Was having you cry on me not enough? Please no more sprays! You're just lucky I love you Danna and I won't scratch you!

"Will you go into the road again?"

No I never ever never will.

"I trust you not to, ok?"

Yes sir. I will never ever never never never ever go in the road again, yeah.

"Now that's taken care of, we're both still shaken and I'm sleepy from crying - lets have a nap."

If it will make you feel better, okay. But not because I'm getting sleepy though, this is for you Danna, for I will never play in or near the road again! I've learned my lesson, listen to Danna or never get to be taken car of cause either a car will killed me or heartbreak will!

* * *

Thank you eenayde for the idea! However, in the end your idea broke Sasori soooo...you're pretty much a terrible person.

ALSO people don't text and drive cause its distracting and dangerous and you could end up driving over a crazy persons kittydei! That's no good. if deidara can learn some road smarts, so can you!


	14. Taking care: Catnapping

I love loooove love love playing in the front yard! Yeah yeah, playing is the best! I just gotta not go in the road or I will die and make the great Danna cryyyy!

Oh boy I love singing and playing in the front yard, yeah!

Danna dirted me from playing outside all last week after I almost died from that car in the road. However now I'm undirted and can play as I please.

And I must say, I've learned my lesson to stay near the house and out of trouble and -

"Here kitty kitty~ here kitty kitty!"

I turn around from the yard and look at the driveway... wow that human girl is really small! I think she wants to rub me! I love rubs! Only sometimes though cause sometimes I don't like it and if you do it I will sometimes scratch. Sometimes, yeah. A rub near my bum sounds nice right now, but don't rub too long!

I stalk towards her carefully since, I mean, who knows! I'm a big scary wild cat and I could end up scaring her away!

"You're a good kitty aren't you..."

I'm better than good. I'm great! I'm fabulous!

"Yeah! Awesome Kitty! You should come play at my house for awhile!"

She scoops me up and puts me in a basket on her itty bitty bike-o-kill. suggested Danna buy one to go on rides to relieve stress. I think he only used it twice before he had a break down and didn't leave the house for eight days. I wonder if he almost died on the bike-o-kill? Kill is in the word, you die when you get killed, right? Right. AND YOU ALSO KILL AND THEN DIE IF YOU GO IN THE ROAD. DON'T DO IT. DON'T GO.

Huh? Oh wow so we're going down the street small human? Ok but just make sure I get home before dark, I don't want Danna to worry. Also be careful on the road! Stay on the side and obey the laws and such and not die, yeah.

We pull up to her house and sneak inside for some reason. Maybe she has people in the house that are scared of big scary cats like myself? Hoo hoo, I don't blame them. Or they're mean like a crazy nasty old lady who just can't find it in their heart to love me. *meow cough* Chiyo.

We head up some stairs and down a hallway until we reach a very pink room. So much pink...

"Ok Princess, lets play dress up!"

Who's Princess? Oh alright, yeah. lets put clothes on me. ok. Sure. Just like what Danna does.

She puts ribbons in my hair, sparkly clothes on me and puts some fluffy thing on my face. I'm really not enjoying this. I gotta admit that it's not much different than being with Danna. It's just a whole lot more sparkly...and painful.

"Now you're pretty, Princess! We can have a tea party now and gossip about that creepy redhead down the street I'm not supposed to talk to - y'know, your previous owner?"

Creepy? Oh she must mean Danna. What does she mean by previous owner? And why does she keep calling me Princess? I'm a prince! Danna said so!

"Mm this tea is delicious!"

Speaking of delicious, I'm hungry.

"Meow meow meow to you as well, Princess!"

"Sweetie! Dinner time!" A strange voice calls in the distance. I didn't know she had a food servant like me!

But dinner time? Oh my goodness! It's time for me to go home, human named Sweetie. let me out now or the creepy guy down the street will get very sad and probably cry and I can't let him cry. It's my job to make him not cry y'know!

"Stay here kitty! I'll be right back!"

I watch the small human rush out the door and close it behind her really fast.

She's a clever one.

Looks like I'm stuck here until she's done playing with me, even when I really have to get home.

I sit at the window perched and watch the sun continue to set. It's going...going...gone...I'm hungry. I wonder what Danna is having for Dinner? I'm starving.

As the night goes on, I don't think the small human is coming back as I appear to be forgotten and - OH I SEE DANNA IN THE STREET! DANNA UP HERE! DANNA SAVE ME I WANT DINNER!

I paw at the window and press my ear to it. If I listen carefully I can hear the faint calls of me name...in distress. I meow loudly in hopes he will hear me, but I don't think... No. He can't hear me..How dreadful!

Sweetie returns angry and grabs be from the window by my dress. I hiss but she hissed back "Bad Princess! My Mommy will hear meowing you and take you away and I'll get in trouble!"

Oh is that so? I don't like trouble because I'll get sprayed. I better be quiet then.

Hey by the way, I'm hungry.

"Here, I brought you my yucky vegetables."

She hands me some cooked broccoli and carrots and I eat them up. Danna has fed these to me, but I usually get some meat with it. Where's the meat!?

Sweetie then runs out of the room to let me eat in peace, and when she comes back she scoops me up and throws me on her bed and turns off the light.

I can only assume its bed time...

DANNA WILL BE GOING TO BED WITHOUT ME.

I rush to the window and can see him sitting outside on the front step in a blanket. I bet you he's crying... My sweet Danna is crying...

I'm gonna cry!

"Princess no! Quiet" She hissed as she reaches up and drops some heavy curtains knocking me down back onto the bed. She glares at me. "Go to bed, Princess and be quiet!"

I like Danna better. A lot better.

Danna when will I ever see you again? This girl can't take care of a mighty feline like me... Not like you can...

"Shhhh!"

/-/-/-/

After a long night, we're in the front yard and I'm tied up by a long pink ribbon from my collar to her bike-o-thing.

What a life.

I saw Danna get on his bike-thing this morning and go for a ride. That thing has a really long name. People should just call then bikes. It's a whole lot easier, yeah.

Sigh! I hope he went out looking for me and that he'd come back now and see me in this girls lawn having another no food party. Who throws no food parties? The plates are empty, the cups are empty, I'm hungry! I want real food!

I thrash around and howl hoping I'd get some attention. Her attention so she can see I'm MISERABLE, yeah! Most of the attention I get is a swat on the head since I tried to scratch her or I'm being too loud in the house.

Excuse me human. Back in my house, I'm allowed to talk and Danna talks back to me. He gives me kisses too! And lets me snuggle his chest... bask in the love we have for one another...

I'm just going to curl into a ball and die if I can't be with my sweet Danna. Goodbye world...boy this sunshine feels nice though. I wish I could be sunbathing it the backyard with Danna.

He needs his sunshine you know.

"Eeeeyahhh! You creep stay away!"

I jump up and see a sad, dirty, and hairy Danna stalking up the yard. He's hunched over and his arms are up. He kinda looks like a bug that I wouldn't want to eat.

Bugs can fight back too you know.

The small human screams and in a moment the both of them dive towards me. I jump away closer to the direction of Danna and he gets there first and blocks off the girl from getting to me and cuts the ribbon with his teeth he then scoops me up we appear to be running away.

Very tough. What a man. My hero.

We run into house and Danna locks all four locks and leans against the door panting. I didn't know Danna could run like that!

"Maybe approaching a little girl like that wasn't the best idea but..."

I missed you, yeah.

He looks down at me with watery eyes, "I missed you Deidara. I missed you so much!"

I love the kisses, but yeah, I'm hungry and you smell REALLY bad.

"Don't talk to strangers ever again, ok?" He smothers me with more rubs and kisses.

I won't go off with strangers ever again. Why would I want to go anyway? Silly Deidara, I should have known better. Why go anywhere when I have the most puurrfect Danna who loves me, takes care of me and feeds me.

"I missed your sweet voice..."

I missed all of you Danna.

"Lets get you some wet food."

Yes... Danna you're Puurrfect.

* * *

u all had such good ideas! Thank u for them. Babydei is addictive to write tho.

I wanna do a lot of them but ye I'm busy writing babydei sorry. I will get to them eventually. bye losers


	15. Taking care: Cafe

Uncle Kisame and Aunty Konan are here today! I can see them! I can feel them!

They're in the same room as me.

So if you say I'm wrong, you need help.

I recommend Danna's doctor, Orochimaru - he's the best.

I have noooo idea why they're here today though. It's not Danna's birthday and it's not a holly day. So other than those reasons, Danna usually doesn't have people over, yeah. Unless it's doctor recommended and he's being forced to have someone come over for a period of time. Danna usually calls Kakuzu over for that since he's so quiet. Please no Hidan though. He's dreadful.

I wonder what the -

Ack! I was scooped up and put in the travel cage! The travel cage! I'm going to the vet! I'm going to die, yeah! No! Dying!

"Calm down, baby. We're going somewhere fun."

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT THE VET!

I thrash around and make the cage rock back and fourth. Danna makes a sad noise, puts the cage with me in it on the couch and gets on the floor face level with me. Time to make my cutest face ever,

Please let me out~

Danna gives me a heartbroken look and I can see the tears begin to form in his eyes. "Aww, I-I know you're scared. Me too, but we're going to have fun I promise..." He looks over at either one of the other humans since I can't see who. "I can bring him right?"

"Yup" it's Konan. "Furry kitty cuties invited!"

Oh! I'm a furry kitty cutie! If Hidan is there I'm going to flip and not have fun. He's far less cuter than me, yeah. He's missing a chunk if his ear cause he's too stupid an does dangerous things. I still have both my ears in tact while keeping my sense of adventure. I'm a good kitty.

"It's too bad Kakuzu and Hidan can't come... Curse his stinginess! He's robbing us of cute!"

Hidan? Cute? Nah. Me cute yes.

This adventure could still be me going to the vet, yeah. A vet party since so many people are coming with us. Maybe I am dying and Danna needs the support? I AM DYING RIGHT? IS THAT WHY HE'S DOING HIS BREATHING EXCERSIZES?

Oop I'm being picked up, and out the door we go. We all get into Uncle Kisame's truck, Konan up front and Danna in the back and pretty much hyperventilating while buckling me up in the seat right beside him. Help.

"It'll be okay Sas! You and Deidara are going to have sooo much fun!" Kisame chimes in since he is probably hearing Danna suffering.

"Nnnmnmmmmmm." Is the only thing he can reply. The noises from his ratting hands dealing with his own car buckle speak louder than words though.

I'm really not in the mood for going to the vet. Danna is a mess! I need to take care of him.

After a long drive we end up at a place with big windows and...a door. Doesn't look the vets place, thank goodness, yeah.

"We're here!"

Danna groans some more and pulls my cage closer. If I don't die from the vet, I'll die from being crushed in my cage by Danna's strong arms - which for your information give the best hugs.

We walk in and I smell cats. Ten cats at least. AM I AT THE POUND? AM I BEING ABANDONED? THIS IS WORSE THAN DYING. WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF DANNA?

Danna puts me down on the table and opens the cage but hahahaha you can't fool me, yeah. I'm not getting out of the cage cause if I do I'll be left behind and will never love again! I will scratch and hiss and ignore and irritate and poop and pee on my new owner! Poop everywhere!

Danna peeps his sad little face in and tries to coax me out. He sure has a soothing voice and that nice face... I kinda wanna sniff it...

Ack!

And someone dumped me out of the cage... And it was Kisame. Kay, buddy I love you a lot but that wasn't cool. Oh wow.

The place we're in has a human food buying area, a cat food buying area, and whole kitty play area! Friends to play with too! Hm, I'll stick around with Danna until he stops shaking and calms down first before I go investigate that really cool looking place with all the shiny toys, yeah.

"Sas, you sit there and let me get you..." Kisame starts to talk but stops as he puts a hand on Danna's shoulder.

"Coffee, one cream one sugar." Danna responds a little breathy as he clings to me.

"Hey Sasori, what can I get Dei?" Konan asks rubbing me with a finger in a small area that isn't being smothered in Danna.

Also, I'd like one of everything please.

Man Danna and I are getting pampered. We're always pampered though. I am at least... Oh cool! Is that a super tall scratching post!?

Danna loosens his grip and gets up to follow me and probably play with other kitties. He picks up a toy and all the others crowd. They all want a piece of my Danna and like heck they are! I crawl up his arm over his shoulder and perch on his head.

This ought to let them know he's mine, yeah.

Danna laughs quietly and scuffles my fur before drags me from his head and into his arms. He gives me a kiss and puts me down for some reason. The other cats make their move and he begins rubbing their backs with his magic fingers.

Ouch.

Oh wait, now he's going to cry, yeah.

Danna's eyes fill up with liquid and his lips quivers, "there all just...so cute!" He doesn't pet then for long. He just picks me up and weeps into my belly. That's ok, I'm used to this, and besides, he has a nice face, I have a nice belly. Win/win really.

"Sas! I got your drink, come and get it!"

Danna flinches and takes me with him back to the table. Konan and Kisame are both there and are already snickering at Danna's teary face. Cats follow us and approach the two of them. Uncle and Aunty turn to much and get at petting and cooing at them. Danna drinks his icky black drink quietly and hands me treats.

I'm good and eat from his fingers like a good kitty, yeah.

"Aww there so cute!" Kisame coos while scratching one under the chin. Too bad Uncle can't understand what that cat is saying. Rude. Kisame doesn't look like a fish - well actually...

"I wonder what it would be like to get a pet..." He adds changing his direction of focus to me still in Danna's arms.

"Do it." Danna says. "Get a cat, it's wonderful."

Did you hear that? I'm wonderful, yeah.

Uncle Kisame laughs and takes me from Danna to give me some love. "I'm more of a canine kind of guy though."

K9?

I see Aunty pet a cat who is far less cute than me, yeah. She must sense I want her attention since she turns and hands me a cat a treat and then goes back to handing the other cat one. "Do it then." Aunty says giving me yet another treat, "Another friend with a pet I can visit sounds great! I hate that Pein has those stupid allergies."

Kisame hits the table but keeps a happy face. The noise scares all us cats and Danna as well. Meanie.

"Alright then I will!"

"Dogs are scary." Danna pops into the conversation again still clenching his hands to his chest from being startled by the loud noise.

What about dogs though? I haaaate dogs. Is that what a K9 is? Is Uncle getting a K9 dog? That's sounds dangerous, he shouldn't do it. Robot dogs sound awful. Get a roomba. Those are really fun.

"C'mon Sas chill." Kisame pats Danna on The back as he grumbles for being told to chill. "If I do get one, you have to at least meet it."

I don't think so.

Danna takes me back and rubs his face in my neck. "Fine. Just... Not a vicious one, okay?" He then finishes off his drink and - "ok I'm done. Take me home."

"Deidara hasn't even gotten to play yet."

I haven't even gotten to play yet!

Danna grumbles and takes me back to the toys and lets me run free. I climb the tall scratching post, I paw at this, I poop in that. A lot of fun actually. Danna joins in and we play together with various toys. Some cats join in with us briefly until Aunty and Uncle join in and take away the attention.

"Ok. Now we really need to leave." Danna announces. He looks really pale and kinda sweaty like he's definitely over did it today. I'm proud of him though, yeah. He went out and did something new and brought me with him! How wonderful!

"Alrighty, Good work today Sas." Kisame congratulates.

Danna just nods quickly and takes me back to the cage. I crawl in and take my place. "Thank you...Kisame..." He mumbles.

"Yes Sasori! Superb work! Thank you for coming with us today!" Konan cheers happily as she bends down to wave at me in the cage.

Danna sure has swell friends! With us working together, we can all take care of one another. Like a big family, yeah.

The moral of the day is, we don't need a dog in this family. Two cats is more than enough. One cat would be better. Uncle please, no dogs.

* * *

they went to a cat cafe! wow! adventure!based off a suggestion about cat hotels? cat cafe is good too.

10 kittydei kisses to the person who can guess what the next adventure involves.

hint- we meet a new friend.


	16. Taking care: smell like me

I hate it when Danna takes his showers. It's sooo offensive, yeah. Like, every day I work my fine golden booty off to smother him in my scent and hair, and there he goes six days later and showers it off! If he has arranged plans to leave the house, he even washes it off sooner! When will he learn; you have to smell like me!

Offensiiive.

Speaking of being offended, here comes the offender strutting around in his little towel. He doesn't even care that I haven't started my reclaiming or that I saw his penis. He's sitting at his laptop and desk now for goodness sake! Put some pants on so I can at least claw at you, yeah.

Ah well, I better get his legs while their nude. Can't have someone coming in and honing in on my territory, yeah. That's right Danna. I saw you leave that treat outside for that new cat that wanders around the street. If I ever come face to face with it oh cat are we gonna have a rumble. I hope it gets hit by a car when it goes on the road.

Back to reclaiming though.

"I just got out of the shower and you're already smothering me."

You say that every shower.

"That's okay. I love your smothers, baby."

I don't care if you like them or not, you're getting me all over you, yeah.

I guess I can't be too mad since do like it that he cleans himself. Whatever scents he produces are not always so pleasant. Like Danna has his own scent that is very much enjoyable, but after the six to seven days he just smells rank. It's like he's rotting away in a puddle of sadness. Which is why I groom him on top of making him smell like me. It's all in the taking care part of the job, y'know?

I'm a good kitty, yeah, now pick me up before I jump on you.

"Oh? I know that weird feeling, does Dei want up?"

Yes. Pick me up, you offender.

He picks me up and I get to work rubbing my head all over his body. Neck, chest, face and arms, every bit of him is mine mine mine!

"Oh...your snuggles..." Danna gasps and begins to cry now. "You love me...and I love you!"

I'm being crushed! Ugh! Well, that's okay I guess, Danna had a tough week doing nothing all day every day. He smells good and has just started to be reclaimed. Sooner or later he will be covered in a fine layer of my hair, and then he'll be perfect

Oh who am I kidding? Smelling like me, being an offender or not, I'll always love him. But I swear, he feeds that cat outside ONE MORE TIME, IM GOING TO MAKE HIS LIFE NOT VERY NICE.

* * *

ass sass only showers like once a week gross. this one wasn't very fun sorry, but i can't think of a joke to put in the original story i had planned. i felt an update was necessary tho


	17. Taking care: Ratboy

I am on cloud nine. I am ecstatic. I am butt wigglin happy. I don't know what ecstatic means!

Well, all I know is I am all sorts of happy because my Uncle Kisame is coming over today. Danna knows Uncle from work, even though Danna doesn't go to work that much... I think they also went to Cool together. Not sure how you can go to Cool... Or was it Shool? I need to learn their language a bit more, yeah. Maybe I'll then learn what ecstatic means, like I'm pretty sure I used it at the right time though.

While Danna and Kisame were on the thing that Danna talks to but no one talks back thing, I think it's a phone, but anyway Danna was talking about being excited to meet his new friend. Uncle has a new friend? I hope Danna wasn't masking his sadness again because his friend made a new friend so that would make their friending a little not so much good friends, yeah.

That hurt my brain, I need to slow down.

I can see Danna cleaning up the house and moving stuff off the floor. The house was already clean, but was it necessary to put all my toys away? Oh wait he left one toy out! Yes, thank you. At least he put away the cat figures - and got changed from that stupid pink outfit. Now he looks handsome, so handsome I would rub my body all over him till you'd think he'd be wearing nothing but my hair, yeah.

What am "I" doing you ask? Well, I got caught up in the cleaning mood and decided to give myself a good groom. Lick, lick, lick away all the yuckies so I can be handsome like Danna, yeah. Did you know I clean myself with my tongue? Danna doesn't know that and still sometimes tries to bathe me, EW.

Oh!

Danna must be done cleaning the house because he's coming over to me with the special Deidara grooming kit. He sits on the couch and pulls out a brush and gets all my little hairs that I'm kind enough to leave around the house. Oh! Oh ok. I have to show him my bum now, he has the bum scissors. Since I have long hair, my poops get stuck in the hair around my bum. Poop scissors get that stuff all gone, yeah. Or at least keep the hair in that area short enough that it won't get caught in the first place.

"Lookin good! No poop!"

No poops? Aw yeah! Danna doesn't like it when I have poops in my hair and I don't blame him. I've been in the bathroom with him when he's pooped - I tried to hide from him when he was in the bathroom but I began to die cause from the smell and came out from hiding and scared him so bad he threw a bottle at me. Oopsies, I was okay though and I wasn't even mad. Danna gave me much love as an apology.

Never mind that though, I think we're ready for uncle Kisame! I'm lovely, Danna is lovely, time to play!

! ! ! ! !

I jump in the air and Danna laughs at me. Mean face. That door knocking was really scary!

"Come on in!" Danna calls packing up the grooming kit and taking his deep breaths, yeah.

In and out Danna. Breathe in, and out.

The door opens and there is my sweet, lovely uncle Kisame~ I'm going to go get him. I run to him and climb up his leg but stop half way... There is a little black rat in him arms? Uh, ew?

Danna hops up, pulls me from Kisame's pant leg and holds me, but he also leans in to cautiously pet the rat with his fingertips. "Ooh! So This must be Itachi right?"

Gross! What the heck is an ee-tah-chi? All I see is a bug eyed rat, yeah. I wonder if could kill it and give it to Danna...

"Hahaha! Oh man Kisame, I never thought Itachi would be a chihuahua! You really REALLY don't seem like the type."

Chiwawahahaha?

Kisame laughs and wiggles around the eetahchi in his arms before giving the little freak a kiss. "Hehe yeah that's right, but it was love at first sight. I'm sure you understand." He then wiggled a big finger under my chin.

I think he mentioned something about me but I missed it. The chihuahahah ee-tah-chi looks at me. Actually more like STARES at me, yeah. It's rather unpleasant. I don't like this guy. Kisame, Danna; please put this creature in the garbage where it belongs. Thank you.

The two men go to the couch and sit down to admire the rat. I'm going to keep my distance thank you very much. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to mine and Danna's room.

*yip*

Danna and I both jump together and I think we both jumped the same height upwards this time. Psst. FYI, I jump really high. But c'mon! What a dreadful noise that thing makes! It's like a rat and a dog had a baby, yeah! This is what Eetahchi is! A rat-dog! Yes, please put this trash in the garbage.

'How dare you call me trash! Or a rat!'

Oh my goodness gracious the rat can talk, yeah.

'You hairy flea bag! Why don't you come over here so I can bite your bum!'

Whatever Ratboy.

The chihuahahahahaha growls in my general direction and snaps at the air, Uncle Kisame's massive hands hold him in place. His hands could squish that rat no problem. I kinda wanna see that happen, yeah.

'My name is Itachi, not Ratboy! And who do you think you're inner monologuing too?'

He's not supposed to hear me...Tch! Poor baby. I ignore him and get closer to him. I can see him struggle to move in Uncle's hands. His teeth are bared back, his growl is ever so pathetic and it's apparently more possible for his eyes to bulge out. What a ridiculous creature. It made Danna flinch back though! How dare it, yeah!

Danna sees the anger that the dog has towards me and sees that I'm getting closer to the mad rat. I'm just teasing it, really. I catch rats and hide them in weird places all dead all the time! this guy should be no proBLEM. Ugh, Danna swoops me up and moves to the other end of the couch. I'm just going to wave my magic tail and...what's the word... the word that means you're a bugeyed trash rat who needs to go away now and the magic will explode you. Yeah, that word.

"Sorry Sas, I've never see him like this before. It must be the internal Cat vs Dog hatred." Uncle aplogizes.

Danna doesn't say anything but he grabs me closer an moves me about in his arms, yeah. I can see him smirk at the way my body wiggles around so I keep it up. I know what my man likes. He likes my curves and wiggly jiggly body. I'm not fat though.

"Maybe Itachi is just uncomfortable in a new place? You could let him roam around while I hold Dei."

"Good idea Sas!" Uncle says like Danna never has good ideas ever which is so not true since Danna is like, the smartest guy I know. I'm pretty sure he's the most smartest guy in the world, yeah. The world isn't that big, right? Besides, how many more human could there be? I've only ever met like... Ten other cats and seen like, maybe fifteen other humans. I refuse to think of the vet as a human.

Uncle Kisame puts his rat down and oh my gosh! Look at the rat run! Look at its stupid scrawny legs! This is hilarious!

'Hilarious huh?'

Huh?

HE'S GOT MY TOY THAT DANNA BOUGHT ME! WELL, HE BOUGHT ALL MY TOYS BUT RATBOY HAS IT AND HE'S WRECKING IT! In the trash in the trash in the trash in the traaaash! Put the rat in the traaaash!

I flip out around in Danna's arms hissing and wiggling, yeah. No biting or scratching because that's mean and I love Danna and that would not be loving. Still, I gotta kill the rat! Let me go!

"Holy sh- Sas, I'm so sorry!" Kisame tells hopping up getting my favorite toy of of the Rats mouth. "I have no idea what's gotten into him!"

I'm still wiggling in Danna's arms and I think he's getting tired of trying to contain me. "It's o-ok Kisame. Maybe they speak some weird animal language and they got into a fight?"

I freeze.

Have I been caught? Do they know I can understand them? That I silently judge them!?

Kisame picked up Ratboy and began to pat him rapidly on the back to calm him down. "I don't doubt it. Deidara doesn't seem to get along with other animals."

Excuse me? Are you saying this is my fault?

"Excuse me? Are you saying this would have been Deidara's fault?"

Both Danna and I send Uncle Kisame a glare. How dare he blame me! The rat started it by... doing...saying... Oh dear maybe this my fault, yeah. Oops.

"Well, it is Deidara that doesn't get along with anyone. I've seen Hidan get along with other animals!"

"Hidan is a troubled cat who has a sad past, Deidara is perfect and has everything a kitty could want! He's just jealous of my baby."

Uncle rolls his eyes, "Exactly! Maybe Deidara is spoiled and-" he stops when Danna sends him an extra nasty glare.. "I'm going to shut up now."

Maybe I should be nicer to Ratboy, I mean, not everyone can be as lovely and radiant as I.

'I can still hear you!'

Yes, not as lovely as I. Hey, do you know what ecstatic means?

*Yip*

Uncle Kisame and the Itachi (See how nice I am now? Ecstatic means very happy by the way. Itachi is actually smart and told me) have left, so now Danna and I can roll around in bed and bask in our love for one another. He seems a little distracted though, is he mad at Uncle for not thinking I'm a glorious creature? I can forgive him so so can you Danna! I believe in you! I need my positive love to rub off on my Danna. It's part of the taking care thing. Happy, healthy and something else but I forgot what it was!

"Hey baby." Danna crouches on the floor and rubs his face against mine. I press my face back mm yes. "You can't really understand me can you?"

Hm? Well, yes actually.

"You meowed..."

I always meow.

"You did it again... Deidara if you can understand me, roll onto your back!"

Uh, I really don't want to right now, yeah. Maybe later, I need to poop.

* * *

we met a new friend on todays adventure. I couldn't decide if Itachi would be a poodle or chihuahua. I think I made the right choice. Sas and kisame are still friends. kisame knew better than to make cat mom mad.

cookie to anarchy cause she guessed we'd meet itachi, and a cookie to akatsukiships for reminding me to update.


	18. Taking care: Sasori tells a story

Oh uh, hello! I can't believe it's already been a year of my baby talking to you! It bothered me at first since you're all a bunch of strangers, but my honey says you're all wonderful people. I doubt it though, people are generally terrible.

Well! We've certainly and without a doubt loved and laughed together and most importantly, taken care of one another! We've given you laughs and you have given support as well as some ideas for some special adventures. So to commemorate a year of spending my days with my most precious baby, I'd like to tell you a story very near and dear to me. The story of how the most wonderful person came into my life. The time I got my love, the time I got, Deidara...

I'm weird and frankly, I know it. I've been weird for my whole life and at a certain point when you as in myself notices this, you have to ask questions. Why am I different? What makes me different? Does the world know I'm different? And most importantly, how can I hide being different.

Unique is one thing. Unique is something to be proud of. Unique is something you should hold onto no matter what. Different is more on the weird side. Like, 'move to the other side of the street since I'm uncomfortable being near you' weird.

Different people are the ones you want to avoid. They give you an uneasy quell in the stomach that tells you to run fast and run far.

All throughout school the residing counselors picked up on this "Different". Thank goodness for them they tried to do things to help, and thank goodness they noticed early on. What would my life be like without them?

I actually thought it was normal to be afraid of people, to find them repulsive. I thought it was normal to feel so sad that life seemed useless. I thought it was normal for me to cry. I mean, girls do it, right? I thought it was normal to hate the person who looked back at me in the mirror. I thought it was normal that I wanted to hide from the world. It felt normal because I had thought like that for so long and that I had become satisfied with who I was... Because at the time I didn't know I was different.

My counselors were unhappy with my definition of normal so that was when I met my Doctor, Orochimaru. He is the best of the best! The finest therapist in the city. However, I could see him grind his teeth as we went session after session when I still remained "Different".

Doctor Orochimaru tried his best to take care of me. He'd stop by with food since it eventually lost all meaning to me. He would give me free therapy even when I maxed out how many times the government would pay for my visits. In fact, from time to time he would try to take me out places to see the beauty of the world. One time he talked about taking me to an aquarium, but all I wanted to do was stay in the house and rot into a pile of nothing.

I even made sure to tell him that he needed to stop wasting the extra time and effort on me.

As a last attempt he introduced me to some of his other clients, Konan and Kakuzu, but I saw no interest in them. A man riddled with self harm scars and a woman with a an already shattered heart that had been broken and abused so many times... Yeah that didn't seem like a lot if fun.

I would much rather be alone. That felt much more normal - and fun.

Really, I did know that I would never be society's normal. Even with all the medication I would never feel healthy and I would never feel well. No matter how many times I told Orochimaru this, he would tell me to never give up. Really, I just felt numb.

Being so out of it and having no hope, it surprised me when Doctor Orochimaru came by with a box. It kind of ticked me off since I had specifically told him to stop, yet he kept trying and trying.

"Sasori, please, take this as my last last LAST attempt." He pleaded handing me the box. "Just hold it carefully."

It wasn't heavy, more on the light side actually. Rolling my eyes I turned around and sat on the couch, my Doctor right on my heels behind me. I looked him dead in the eyes before I opened the mysterious box. "I hope you know this won't do anything. I am too far gone in my ways, so just stop."

"I recently tried this with my patient Kakuzu and it seemed to work. This one is very special, I searched far for one that I think would make you very happy."

Happy? The last time I was happy I was oblivious and six. Even then I got picked on for being too bland. I'm twenty-one now, I'm simply too far gone. However instead of saying these things to him, I look into the box.

I can tell you now that it wasn't love at first sight. There wasn't even a ounce of joy forming in me. The feeling was more like; why would you do this cruel thing to me? Then a dose of; oh wait, that's right.

In the box was a little furball? A hamster? A gerbil? I didn't want a pet. An animal depending on me seemed like a horrible idea. If I can't even take care of myself, how I the world was I going to take care of a -

"Kitten?"

"Yes."

"I can't take care of cat!" I protested.

I would think you would know why since I just stated my reasoning.

A living creature this innocent needed a good home. A home that was warm and loving, and I can guarantee I was the furthest thing from warm and loving.

Orochimaru just smiled and swayed side to side a little. "Just take care of him for a week and If you don't like it, you can give him back."

"Why not give him back now so I don't leave a bad impression on it."

My Doctor stopped his smiling and swaying and sighed as he reached in to pull out the little kitten. He held it in his hands and it was then I could get an actually look at the little guy. He was the size of a grown man hands, the bottom of his paws were so pink and soft looking, like he had never walked on a rough surface ever. He was very fuzzy; layered with a coat of long, silky, gold hair. His little, bright blue eyes just seemed to twinkle, even in my dark and dingy house.

"Here, hold him." Orochimaru suggested moving him forcefully into my hands.

Taking him I could feel his little heart beat against my fingertips, I could feel just how fragile the creature was. It was weird, I had always thought of myself being on the fragile side, but never had I felt something like this.

"Sasori, for the week I want you to treat him as your baby, I helped raise him alongside his mom specifically for you."

"My baby?" I asked. How could I not though? Cats aren't babies! Well, this one was...

"Yes, even though you may not feel anything now, I want you to think that you love him. You live for this baby, you love him."

"I live for this baby. I love him?" I had to ask back even louder than before. I mean, he was asking me to do something so ridiculous! First babies, now love?

"Yes, just keep telling yourself that."

This sounded a lot like the time he wanted me to love myself and live for myself. That didn't work. I couldn't care less about myself. Why would living and loving a cat be any different? It's just a dumb kitten.

"So Sasori," he started. "What are you going to name the little guy?"

"Brat."

Orochimaru chuckled quietly and shook his head. "I don't think that is quite an appropriate name for a baby."

"It may be a baby, but it's still a kitten. Aren't kittens brats?"

"Sasori," he warned. "your baby wants a real name."

"Hmph... Fine then, Deidara."

"Deidara?" He repeated for assurance.

"Yes."

Now that I think about it, I should have named him Darling because he's my little darling.

"Sounds... Cute." Orochimaru said sounding pleased with the name. Next he reached into the box, lifted up the blanket to expose a dish, a couple toys and a bag of kitten food and formula. "He's seven weeks, so he's in the process of weaning off milk. You'll need to help with that, understand?"

"I'm different, not dumb." I mutter rubbing one thumb over Deidara's tiny tummy while the other hand grabs at that pink paw I mentioned earlier. At the time, It took me off guard when the small kitten wrapped its' two front limbs around my hand, now I'm fairly used to it.

Orochimaru extended a hand to the kitten resting in my lap. "Can I see Deidara for one moment?"

"Sure."

He picks my 'baby' up and looked him in the eyes. "Your name is Deidara now, understand?"

The kitten mewled and wiggled it's head. I found it strange that my well educated therapist was talking to cat like the thing could understand him.

"You are to love this man, and take care of him no matter what. He is your Danna and I am putting him in your care, it's your job to make sure he's happy and healthy. Understand?"

Surprisingly the kitten, I mean Deidara, mewled again.

"Here is your baby back, Sasori." He said happily, handing me back Deidara and standing up. "I will be back in a week to see how you're enjoying him. Until then, don't call me."

"Uh, okay?"

Orochimaru made his way to the door and was about to walk out until, "Remember to make sure you take care of each other." and was gone.

I wasn't sure then, and still am, but I think when he said that, he was talking to the both of us.

This all still didn't sit well in my stomach. How would a teeny tiny kitten take care of a 'Different' grown man set in his ways? I thought is was bound to fail. Like a cat could really change my life or even make me happy.

Boy was I wrong.

The first couple days having Deidara were not life changing. I played around with the kitten, we had naps together and I put the effort into feeding him his specific meals. The only outstanding thing I noticed was that Deidara never left me and if he did wander, it was never very far and he always came right back to my side. He followed me everywhere and if I went missing for even a moment he would cry. I had to be with him or he would not be happy. This was a change because the only people who seemed to follow me were the counselors back in school and Doctor Orochimaru. They just wanted to cure me though, even though I never wanted to be cured.

Hide the different, not cure it.

What else I noticed right away you ask? Only that he indeed was quite the little Brat. Not being able to leave him alone proved quite the hassle, and having to be more than in the same room was a pain. I had to be close to the little guy as well. The feeding and constant neediness was one thing, but what came next was just mischievous behaviour. What else would I expect? Deidara is and was my curious baby! Everything has always been an adventure to him.

He would chew on this and that, go to the bathroom on everything and talk nonstop. I assume it was his way of talking now since he still does it. The meowing that is... I wonder if he narrates his life to you? I mean, wouldn't it be kinda boring to just watch us with no narration? I wish I could understand him...

His talking by the third day seemed so natural that when he didn't, I would talk to him back. I told him everything I wouldn't dare tell Doctor Orochimaru. What really caught my attention was the Brat seemed like he was listening to me. He kept eye contact and would even meow now and then. It was like I was talking to a real person!

A person I didn't want to push into a giant blender.

Which is why at the fourth day I suspected that Deidara was actually a robot. Besides, Orochimaru had specifically said he raised Deidara for me. Prettyyy suspicious I think.

On the fifth day I had a little break down. I stayed away from Deidara and only even fed him once that day. My poor baby was probably so hungry... I knew I wasn't ready for this kind of responsibility! I'm the worst!

Still, Deidara never left the outside of my door and even tried to crawl under the door a few times to get to me. Being the awful nasty person I was, I blocked the small crack with a towel so he couldn't get to me.

Oh how he cried! I look back now and I am the worst worst WORST Danna ever! My poor little baby! Every time I think of that day I just can't help but cry!

As bad as I was, the sixth day of having Deidara is what really changed me - I fell in love. That was the day I knew we were going to be together for a long time. Still being a big mess from the meltdown the day before, that was another tiresome day. I actually left my room that day and made sure to feed Deidara.

Let's just say I shouldn't have stayed in my room like that. The little brat got busy going to the bathroom on everything but his litter box. I don't blame him though. One, he's seven weeks old and two, I was a terrible person who deserved it. I held him a lot that day and he didn't seem too mad at me. We stayed on my bed and just relaxed in silence, him curled up on my chest like a little hot water bottle.

I did a really terrible thing and he still loved me. He didn't run away, he didn't leave me, he didn't even ignore me - not even once. He was blind towards what a despicable human being I was. Earlier, the moment I opened my door he was up and ready to greet me.

And that was the breaking point. Again.

I cried and cried as I pet him on my chest. He was a lot like Doctor Orochimaru. Never gave up on me.

As I said, the sixth day was the day I fell I love. As I cried, Deidara squirmed his way up my chest and into my neck where he curled in. It was then he started to meow and the most incredible thing happened... He used his face to brush away my tears. It was like he knew I was in pain and wanted to help me.

Now, I have cried a lot during my time on this planet, but never have I ever had someone wipe my tears away - and honestly it felt great.

The seventh day I knew for sure I was going to keep him. The next and final day Orochimaru would stop by and would leave empty handed. With all these new emotions welled up in my stomach, I threw up. After that I was okay, but it was a load off myself! I felt great. Better than I ever had.

"So Sasori, what do you think? Did you enjoy your time with Deidara?"

I looked at my doctor and then down an my baby rolling around on my lap. There was no way I was going to give him up. "I had a wonderful time with Deidara."

Doctor Orochimaru quirked an eyebrow, but other than that his face stayed the same. "So you would like to keep him?"

"Yes."

"Did he make you happy?"

"Oh yes. I love my baby, Deidara. I love him so much."

"Now this is what I like to hear!" He cheered clapping excitedly, freaking out my sweet little treasure. "Hand him over, I need to congratulate him on a job well done."

I was reluctant to hand my lovely over, so he reached over and forcefully took Deidara from me, right up to his face. Giving a sad little meow at first, my baby then yet again gave Orochimaru his full attention when he spoke. "Deidara you did a wonderful job taking care of Sasori. It would mean the world to me if you could stay with him and continue to do so."

Deidara gave another one of his sweetie cutie sugar lovey baby meows. Just thinking of it I want to cry!

"Thank you for your hard work, continue to take care of one another." he said bowing a little to Deidara. "And here is you baby back, Sasori."

That was how I got my precious itty bitty honey. I got in contact with an old classmate (Kisame) after that and managed to get a few hours a week where he works. Then I even started some friendships with a couple of Doctor Orochimaru's patients. I think you know who.

It's all thanks to my darling too. He encouraged me to make the phone calls, he was a big help in breaking the ice when they would visit. Life has just been so great now that my sweet baby is in it.

What is wrong with me, some of you may ask. Nothing is wrong with me. Well, a whole lot less is wrong with me than before. I'm just different, and that's okay. I no longer hide it now and no is trying to cure me. I'm just a...quirky...man who is madly in love with his precious kitty cat.

And if you think that's not normal you can go fuck yourself. I've been through enough!

* * *

uhh this has been done since the anniversary of kittydei which was last month. reminder, chapter one was my first fic ever hhahah. i was holding onto this though because I wasn't sure it was good enough? ? also that it's not kittydei telling the story and it's not funny. i hope this explains what's the dealio with crysori. also he swore omg I won't change the rating. CHILL.


	19. Taking care: Way too high

Life is just such a hard thing to do... I try so hard to be a good kitty, I really really really really really do! I take care of my Danna, I stopped peeing everywhere and I even stopped scratching the furniture even though it feels sooo good. Like, oh my gosh so so good.

So what did I do to deserve this? I'm too high up, it's too cold, I'm too hungry, and it's almost nap time! How am I supposed to nap in a tree!? Danna isn't up in it!

Dannaaa! Come save me!

I swear I've been up here too long. Why hasn't Danna even started looking for me yet? It's been like, five four fifty fifty ninety years since I've last seen him! Gross, yeah. I'm dying and hungry and sleepy and just so sad without him. The view is kinda nice... Scary, but nice.

Danna where are you - oh oh! Wait! Be quiet! I see him looking out the window, it's just he's looking in the wrong direction. C'mon Danna, why would I be over there? That direction is so, so... Bleh! I'm over here!

He steps out onto porch in his slippers and sleeping clothes that he hasn't taken off in like, five days. He washes his body and just puts the dirty clothes back on! I don't clean myself and then puke it back up on myself!

I puke it up onto the floor like a good kitty, yeah.

"Deidaraaa!"

Dannaaa!

"I hear you but I don't see you!" He calls walking around the porch looking under things.

That's because I'm up here you silly human!

"Deidaraaa!"

This again? Ok, Danaaa!

"Deidara this isn't funny, where - AUGH! MY BABY!"

Oh! You know, I think he just may have spotted me.

He runs down from the porch to the tree that's halfway in our little back yard, but actually is in the neighbors yard. We have a tiny 'overgrown' garden says Aunty Konan to play in though. She offered to help Danna with it but Danna said he had no desire to garden. It seems he'd much rather stay indoors and cry.

You know, to get all the way up on the fence and into the neighbors tree? I'm a good climber if I do say so myself! As good as I am, I do think it's about time I came down. That's something I'm not good at just incase you're not very smart and couldn't figure it out. I'm smart. Don't say I'm not smart since I can't get down because that's a skill thing and not a smart thing.

I'm smart.

Also it's rude. I don't go around calling you creatures not smart.

"My baby! My baby!" Danna shrieks running to the base of what would be the tree if it weren't for the fence in the way. It's a tall fence and it makes Danna look just so itty bitty. In fact, he looks even smaller from way up here...

I'M THE DANNA NOW.

"Deidara, honey, don't worry I'm going to call the fire department, police, rescue squad, ANYONE to get you down!" He yells holding up a finger backing up slowly back into the house. I think he's leaving me to probably get the thing that he talks into but no one talks back but someone actually does believe it or not.

Just so you know, he's not crazy or anything. Aunty Konan has a similar thing that she talks in to. I miss her, she hasn't visited me lately. Maybe she's feeling sad like Danna has been this past week. Hmm, I wonder if she bathes properly unlike some stinky redhead I know. I should give her extra kisses when I see her next.

Sigh! Oh Danna, If you're going to abandon me, at least come back with one last nummy!

Now I'm alone again... Hm. Well this sucks! You know, he could have at least brought me a snack before he calls the something. How he would get the snack way way up here I don't know. I don't even know how to get the food myself! You can knock the container of cat food over so ballilion times and it will never break open, yeah.

Don't even get me started on wet food cans. Those are even tougher to open. Did you know Danna has to use a special tool to get the thing open? It's ridiculous!

Hey, I wonder if I were to climb higher to the top, that would actually mean I climb to the sky and then I wouldn't be in the tree anymore because I'd be in the sky... And then I could jump from the sky down to the ground! Oh catnip, I'm so smart! It's all so easy peasy, yeah!

"Deidara! Don't climb higher!"

Huh? Oops, well that came a little late, I already did. I may be the big Danna now, but I think I should listen to the little Danna... Wait he can't be called Danna when I'm the Danna...

Okay Sasori! I won't climb any higher!

Ew that felt really gross. I'll just be Big Danna and he can be Little Danna. Yeah, that works.

"Uh hhuhgh hhhhh! My poor baby sunshine!"

Ugh! I'm not sure what's worse, yeah, the awful noise Little Danna just made or this one noise just keeps getting louder in the background. It's too loud! Like a EEE-woo EEE-woo. You get me? Whatever it is, it's making Little Danna sure excited. He's a bit weird, isn't he?

"I hear the firetruck!"

Okay Little Danna, you hear something that is a new word I have never heard before, but that doesn't explain what that terrible noise is, yeah! Ugh! What is that awful noise and that weird red car that looks really scary? I'm so confused, I think I'm gonna cry~!

"Oh baby sunshine, don't cry! They're here so I'll be right back!"

No! I've had enough and I'm gonna cry! Boo hoo! A few really big men get out of the red noisy thing and Little Danna runs to greet them... What's going on!?

Now I need you to understand this; I need to listen carefully to what they're saying now so please, shut your noise mouth and be silent. Stop breathing I you have too! Shh...

"Sir! You're Sasori and called about the baby being stuck in the tree?" One of the three men ask while the other two get a ladder off the monster car, yeah.

"Yes!" Little Danna yells grabbing the mans ugly coat and then drags him down the driveway to where I am in the back. "My baby is in the tree in my neighbors backyard. You should be able to reach him from mine though."

"Don't worry sir, we'll do our best to get your child down." Mr. Man says patting Little Danna's...little shoulder.

Wow, so, these Mr. Men are huge in comparison to Danna. Freaky.

Anyway, shh! Little Danna makes another weird noise which by now I should be more than used too. "Child? He is far more important than a child! This is my lovey dovey!"

"Sir? I'm confused, what are we..."

The Mr. Man and I make eye contact.

Hello Mr. Man, please get me down!

"It's a cat? Not a child?"

"That's my baby! Please get him down before he falls!" Danna cries dancing in his spot like he has to pee.

If he has to go, he should just pee in the garden. I've done it before! It's quite nice. An adventure from peeing in the regular litterbox and even on the floor which is actually a place peepees don't belong.

I'm a good kitty, remember? Smart too, yeah!

"Guys!" Mr. Man calls back to his big friends. "It's just a cat, not a child!"

I'm not just a cat! Didn't you hear him? I'm the baby!

"He's not just a cat! Didn't you hear me? He's my baby!"

The two men rest the ladder against the fence and tree and it makes a loud scary noise and shakes the tree and I'm really really scared. Oooh! I don't want these guys to touch me! I'm climbing higher! Stay away!

"Deidara! Don't climb higher! Let the nice men help get you down!"

What if they hurt me!

"They don't want to hurt you!"

Well... okay then, I trust you to take the best care of me Danna. Even though you're really small and smell kinda funky.

"Oh hey! It actually listened to you!" The man remarked and made his way to grab me. He put me to his gross smokey smelling chest very carefully takes me down to the ground.

Little Danna is slowly getting bigger and bigger. Well, it was fun being the big guy while it lasted... Actually no, it wasn't. It was weird, confusing, lonely and hungrying. What's the point of being a Danna when I can't even eat whenever and whatever I want!?

Mr. Man hands me to good ol regular Danna who has a blanket ready to wrap me in, yeah. It's the fuzzy blanket too! I love the fuzzy blanket.

"My baby! My baby! Thank you guys so much for saving my baby!" Danna yells rubbing me around in the blanky making me all warm and kissing me all over.

It's a good time to be alive, yeah. Rubs, warmth, and kisses from the greatest guy ever. Good times, am I right? I bet you all wish Danna would kiss and rub you all over... Well too bad cause he won't! He's too busy loving and taking care of me, so you're not invited.

"Sir, next time your cat goes up in a tree, pleass refrain from using 'baby' in the phone call." He sighs as his friends lower and shrink the ladder down. "You had us all prepared for a real emergency."

Danna gasped and pulled me closer to his deliciously warm chest. "This was a real emergency!"

Scrumptious.

Mr. Man pinches his nose for some reason. "Because that cat is your baby, right?"

"Of course!" Danna yells smooshing me even closer.

Mmm, Danna chest, yeah.

The Mr. Men roll their eyes for some reason that I don't know, because there wasn't anything in the sky to look at BECAUSE I CHECKED. I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING TO SEE AND NOPE. JUST CLOUDS. I LOOKED.

Anyway, they get in their scary car and drive away, leaving Danna to snuggle and kiss me all the way back into the house. Life isn't such a hard thing to do anymore. Note to self: don't climb up trees ever again, yeah.

"Deidara, I never want you to climb a tree ever again."

Uh, what did I JUST say?

"I'm so happy to have you back with me." He sighs rocking me back and forth giving me his googoo eyes. "I really need to stop letting you go outside unattended. You need supervision... Maybe I should buy a tether leash."

So what you're saying is that I have to spend time with you, OUTSIDE as well now? Well isn't that just swell! I am going to show you all the really cool things... Like peeing in the garden! Did you know I do that? I'm a rebel, yeah! And we can catch some smaller, weaker animals!

"Boy you're in a talkative mood! Meow meow to you too!"

Yeah, but sometimes I feel like you don't understand me... You should work on that. I mean, I learned to understand your language.

Putting me down on the table, he gives my damp fur a gentle but thorough rub down. It's starts off feeling great but I'm done with it now. Please stop, yeah.

"Your actions will not go unpunished." He finally says folding the blanket and putting it aside. After putting it in the fun basket that holds the not so fun smelling clothes, he gets out a can of wet food...

WHAT THE - IS THIS A PUNISHMENT? I LOVE WET FOOD.

I mean, ohh noo! What is Danna going to do to me! I just finished going through really bad trauma that I didn't even deserve! He's giving me wet wood oh nooo... Feeding yummy food is part of mandatory taking care! Danna, you have too!

Talking like this mean he'll still give me the wet food, right?

"I'm going to give you something to eat because you're probably very hungry."

Yes!

"And then it's bath time for you. You're a stinky boy from being outside in that wet tree too long!"

Oh... Oh dear... Everyone, p-please don't come with me on my next adventure, yeah. I don't want you to feel my pain. Besides, I can get a little scary when I have baths. Why am I so calm right now? I need to save my energy for the battle. Trust me. It will not be pretty.

Wet food though, now THAT'S pretty. Pretty tasty.

* * *

ooh the positive feedback on the last chapter was nice. now you can all stop asking me what's wrong with sasori. he is just a little bit quirky tho isn't he.

this chapter was requested way back in September. im not sure if the I will write the bath experience or not... we'll see if kittydei invites you or not


	20. Taking care: Bath time

Why are you here? I told you not to come! Get outta here! Who even invited you!? Was it Danna? Is this part of the punishment? Me being humiliated!? Danna I trusted you!

I just can't let you see me this way. You already see me like some sort of majestic beast so I'd hate to break your perspective of me. I'm a nice kitty cat.

"Okay honey, in the bath you go!"

Oh dear jingly ball! He's picking me up and putting me into the dreaded cleaning lake! I can see the water, I CAN SEE THE WATER. I'm in the water. I AM IN THE WATER. If I could cry the salty tears Danna produces I would be doing so, right at this awful moment. This is so gross and nasty and disgusting. Next thing you know he'll be putting soap on me!

Did you know when I get soaped up I lose my lovey Deidara - the Perfume!

"Okay babe, get ready for the soap!"

Oh no! My... what did I call it...perfume the Deidara! The Deidara Perfume? Oh that's right, Deidara - the Perfume!

Danna completely ignores my pleas and smothers me with soap. Just so you know, don't lick it ever. Hmm, I guess rubbing in the soap is okay... Like I love my Danna's hands and everything. When they're dry though! Them magic hands just glide through my silken locks~

However when just wet, it tugs and I'm cold. Even though the water is weirdly sorta warm. Warm water isn't as tasty as cold water, trust me. But I guess I would rather be in warm water, rather than cold water. Have you ever had cold water splashed on your bum? It's no good! This isn't how you take care of your baby sunshine! This is the opposite of taking care!

Danna starts humming and singing for some reason. "Lathering my baby~ lather lather lather~"

Hm, yes, lather. Just kidding. Nonononononononono.

"Well that's a weird noise you're making! I'm sorry baby, I'll finish cleaning you as fast as possible."

I'm going to make a run for it if this doesn't end in five minuets. I don't even know what a minute is, but I will be counting. Sigh, I'm not a very good counter though, so I guess I just talk to these people.

That means you by the way.

I wonder what it would be like to have hands like Danna. I have these little paws, don't get me wrong they're great, but could you imagine if I had thumbs? If at the ends of my sexy legs were human hands...

C'mon! Imagine that with me. Me, the humble majestic beast you all know and love, with the hands of the lowly lesser human kind. I don't count Danna as a lesser being though, he's great.

It's okay Danna, you're safe from my scrutiny. All these people just wish they were great like you.

"Well at least you stopped making those creepy noises."

Rude.

"Hey Deidara," He says way too happily during such a not very fun time. "do you think it would be crazy if I hopped in and joined you?"

Yes.

"Dahhh! I shouldn't. It was nice of you to say you'd want to to join you though."

I said no such thing!

I'm so grumpy! There is just something about baths that make me so foul. Back to our imagination session... have you imagined it yet? What do you mean 'imagine what'!? Me having hands instead of paws, duh! Wouldn't it be kinda weird? I have more fur than humans do... Do you think the hands would be covered in yellow fur too?

"Did you just shudder?"

Heugh...

If I had hands though, imagine all the great things I could do with them! Open the foodies up and scratch myself near my bum and tail. Hey! I could also love Danna a little more by petting him.

Me. Run my hairy hands through the hair on Danna's head!

Heugh... Something about that doesn't sound so appealing. I bet you Danna would be totally into it though. Unfortunately. Heugh.

Danna smacks his lips and make his lil 'aww' noise. I'm not too sure what it is supposed to mean, but I have a hunch it's like, not good. "Oh, is my little ray of sunshine cold? You keep shuddering, so let's put some warm water in you!" He says in a weird voice before he goes to touch the thing that water comes from. You know, the water thing!

Eugh, that's wet! Oh wow, that's not good at all! I'm being sprayed with more warm water. Wait, that means I'm done! The soap is finished! I'm being rinsed! It's almost time for kitty burry-toes!

"Okay lovey dovey, time to get out!" Danna says very happily. Again.

You know, It's almost as if he ENJOYS bathing me... Touching my dirty, wet body... Looking at me in my vulnerable state with those peering eyes... Hey buddy! My face is up here!

"Thank you for not biting or scratching me even though you probably wanted too." Danna thanks me, pulling my out from the death lake. Which might I add it looking rather hairy.

Actually, you know what? It wasn't as bad as it usually is, Danna. I had some buddos keep me distracted.

Wink wink, that means you.

"Okay, time for kitty burritos!" he says, grabbing a big white fluffy towel that he starts to wrap me up in.

Round and round the towel goes, in the end...I won't be able to move but I will be a little bundle that Danna will leave in the patch of sun that comes in through the living room window for a bit. That doesn't feel so bad. It's like a steamy warm nap.

He owes me big time. For one, getting out of that tree all by myself, no help needed. And two, putting up with that terrible bath that was totally unnecessary. I didn't stink THAT bad.

C'mon Danna, have you smelled yourself after a week of not bathing? It's terrible! The underarms! It's just so stinky! Hm... Actually, maybe he should have joined me in the bath after all.

* * *

You all wanted to see kittydei bathe ya perverts. requests/suggestions for kitty are open until the next chapter goes up. throw em at me.


	21. Taking care: Squished

My heart is broken. My head thinker is in a mess. I don't like it, but what can I do?

How could he be so mean? So cruel? I thought what we had was special... but I guess I was just wrong. The touches, the feelies, the sweet kisses and snackies he would let me eat from his mouth. I thought we had come to know each other so well, so in tune with how we live out our lives.

I thought that he loved me, yeah.

I can hear him crying - clearly the man is in shambles. He won't stop begging me for my forgiveness and affection. It has been days since I last showed him an ounce of love-sugar, yeah. It's been like...forever. Two whole days in fact.

So long to hold a grudge, huh?

Y'know, he keeps buying me new toys and offering me treats, but I swear I will never forgive him though, not after how he treated me.

It was one thing opening the door and smacking me in the face, yeah. That really hurt my cute face! Alas, I could forgive him for that if I tried - and tried I did. But now rolling on top of me while I was sleeping? While we were having a most sacred nap!?

I can't go on! It's too much. I thoughted he loveded me! Meow-ow! That really hurt!

"Deidara, sweetest treasure of mine! That meow sounds so sad it makes me sad!" Danna blubbers, folding over onto the ground, pressing his face into one of my kitty blankets. "Please forgive me!"

No! You rolled on me! My poor tail and leg got all squashed, yeah! Forgiveness will not be given! Is that how it's said? That doesn't sound right... No forgiveness for Danna!

"Baby please!" He howls. "I will do anything to make things better!"

Anything to make things better, huh?

Ooh! Part of me likes having the power over the big strong Danna, while another part really hates it and wants to kiss him and make his worries all better, yeah. Like, I'm a not a mean cat. I'm the nicest most sweetest baby out there. I make you look like super trash. I'm concerned with this though... Is not forgiving him part of ME not TAKING CARE of HIM?

Not taking care of Danna is like, against the rules and punishable by death. Or something like that. Basically it makes me as bad as you and that's gross. Sigh! All I know is it's really hard to stay mad at him - he's so cute. Danna with all those magic hands and sugar kisses, yeah... Fishsticks! I wish I could be a human. I've seen humans do the kissing with the mouths, and I gotta say yeah it's super different than what I do with Danna. I feel left left.

A lot less tongue and a lot less face eating, yeah. That's not to say that Danna hasn't tried to make our tongues touch. Trust me. He has.

I have tasted my Danna's tongue. Heugh.

But you should see me when I nab snacks out from in his mouth. We're like a professional show team. We could totally perform for the Queen! And we have performed for her. Aunty Konan said it was disgusting and threw a pillow at Danna.

"Baby, please!" He pleads, moving up and re-collapsing back to the floor like a thing that collapses to the floor. "I will give you wet food every night for the rest of the week!"

Wet food? Well, I've tried to ignore you as much as I could. Danna! Darling, I missed you!

I crawl up and around his shoulders while he makes one of his unfortunate human noises. Like, I don't know how to explain it. Un? Uunn? It's weird. But that's okay because I forgive and still love him, yeah.

Just as long as he doesn't roll on me again and actually gives me that wet food everyday this week. What harm could a little bit of moist delicious food that is only made for sometimes do? It's not like it will make me explode or anything, right? Right!?

* * *

meowmeowmeowmeow...meowmeow. meow. still taking kittydei requests/suggestions. meowmeow. bye losers. btw I watched that cat with hands a couple of u talked about. go outside


	22. Taking care: weight gain

I HAVE EXPLODED.

It's been like, forever or something since we last talked my friends and oh my gosh gosh gosh I have been eating like a King since then. Treats here, wet food there... Oh my goodness what a lovely world it has been. Danna took real good care of me, yeah.

Well it was lovely until I EXPLODED.

LOOK AT ME.

What do you mean you can't see me?

Ugh! My sides roll with fat! I'm not a frisky lean baby anymore! I can no longer tell that stinky face, Hidan that it's fluff and not fat. I'm all flab, yeah!

Gasp...I'm like a gloopy glop... What if Danna doesn't want to love a gloopy glop... I must hide under the bed!

He will never find me here. Unless my fat rolls are so big that they stick out from under the bed. WHICH THEY PROBABLY DO.

Oh dear oh my. How did this happen? The only thing that's changed these past couple weeks is my food yes, but what you eat doesn't make fat, how MUCH is eaten does. Right? Right!?

Maybe I'm not playing enough... Which is entirely Danna's fault because uh, excuse me, playing is really great. Especially with Danna. Danna! What did you do to meee?

I'm like a pillow really. A puffy fat fluffy pillow, yeah.

The difference is people actually really like pillows. I like pillows. I don't think people like tubby kitties though. Which is like super so rude because I have seen some pudgy dogs get some of a whole lotta love.

What's that? You like chubby kitties? Psh! Your opinion doesn't matter. In fact, it matters the least right now. Why are you even here? What are you; a chubby chaser?

Huegh.

"Deidara! My little Beauty King~"

Oh no! It's Danna! I can't let him see me like this. He just called me little, yeah! What will he say if he sees me and I'm not his little Beauty King? Like I'm... A Big Beauty King!

I mean, you guys... Please. I may have gained weight, but that doesn't mean I'm any less gorgeous. Have you see me? Wait. No. You said you can't.

What is wrong with you losers!?

Well trust me. I am C to the U to the...uh CUTE.

"Honey muffin!"

Shh! Don't let him know where I am! I've been talking to you so much that I have forgotten the real reason as to why I'm hiding. I know I don't want to lose though. I also don't want him to look at me while I'm fat. Wait. Was that why I'm hiding?

You guys are absolutely no help whatsoever, yeah!

"Lovely Cutie?" He calls. I can can see him looking around and under things. "Where are you sweetie? Are you mad at me again or are you just playing? Please don't be mad..."

Neither! But the longer I stay hidden from you, the more exciting this gets. So in reality, the longer it takes you to find me, the more likely this is to turn into a game.

"Are you...under this table!?" He calls excitingly, looking under the...well...table. "No? Ok then."

Gasp.

He looked over here.

I think he may have spotted one of my fat rolls.

"Oooh, is my little baby-waby hiding under the bedy-wedy?"

Oh my gosh he called me a Waby! Now, I don't know what that is but I'm pretty sure it's not a nice thing. Do you think it is another word for fat, yeah? Do he just call my Baby Fat!? Why on earth - no! That's not nice at all!

I've only seen photos of babies and I'm pretty sure they don't exist. I mean, crying-pooping pants-tiny humans? I've seen children, those are one thing, but cats have like two stages, kitten and cat. Humans SHOULD have only two, child and adult. Babies therefore are mythical creatures. Monsters.

I could understand I baby was another word for child, but no. Why does Danna even bother to call me a baby? Wouldn't it be better to call me his child? Kitten would be the best though. I don't want to be an old feline.

Hold on a minute... Baby Waby... Does that mean Danna called me Monster Fat?

"Peekaboo!"

HEUGH.

"Well that was a weird noise. Honey kitten, why are you hiding from me?" He asks scooping me out from under the bed.

Here one kitty might swat at their master, but I'm an angle and angles are apparently good and don't do bad things. Or was it angels... Angel? Angle? Whatever, I'll just lie limp and allow him to man handle me. It's not like this fat is going anywhere soon. Besides it's a lot of effort to fight back and play now.

I'm no frisky kitty anymore and it hurts!

"Whoa! You're a heavy honey."

I know! Isn't it dreadful?

"Oh Dei, don't meow like that. I still think you're beautiful." He says so dreamily oh my gosh I love him. "Is this why you were hiding maybe?"

Oh Danna, you know me so well. I love you and not these people who weirdly watch us, yeah.

"Deidara, it's okay." He kisses me. "That just means there is more of you to love!"

More... Of me to... Love!? But Danna! Can you do it? I know you take care of me, what can you really love me that much? Do you have enough love-blood in your weird human body to love a big ferocious beast such as myself?

He sniffs my face and kisses the top of me head. Danna should maybe let me go now. I wanna be put down.

"Pussy-cat it's okay. You'll always be my little sunshine."

Man this guy is the best. Danna, you're my sunshine too, yeah! On second thought you can hold me maybe one more minute.

"But lets put you on a nice diet plan. I'll head to the store in a couple hours."

Die-et? What is a DYE-IT? Whatever it is, it has die in it so... Oh no.

DANNA IS GONNA PUT ME DOWN.

* * *

Sasori overfed his love lump. Don't worry kittydei. Danna isn't gonna put you down. there is something much more worse in store for you...dreaded diets bleh. tubby kitties are so cute but so unhealthy ):


	23. Taking care: Diets

I hate diets. I wish I didn't have to add that word into my vocabulary. Just watch as I forgot a word that is good and wholesome and replaced it with the bad word 'diet'.

Yuck diets suck.

The food is bland and gross, not to mention the excessive amount of play is just way too much. Just yesterday Danna put my leash on and took me for a really long walk. Too long if you ask me. How is that even considered play? It's dumb. Play is not dumb until I say it is and it was shocking how fast that play turned dumb.

Too much walking is yuck too. I like snuggles and basking in the sun!

Y'know, I noticed that we no longer walk in the direction of the house that has the little female human. Do you remember when the little female human catnapped me and kept me as a slave and abused me and was probably going to eat me for dinner? Yeah, me too. Scary. If I ever see her again I'm gonna fight her. Fight her good. She won't know what scratched her!

But hey, you don't see young kittens slaving adult humans. I have never once bossed my Danna around. Do you have a cat? Some of you do? Do you do everything like grooming and feeding and back rubs and hey...

"Hey goopy guts, you're looking good."

Tsk! What does goopy even mean? I wonder if that was the word I forgot now that I know diet. And Really Danna? I can't tell. I'm too tired and feel super not good. How can I look good when life is so poopy?

My sweet little paws still hurt! Carry me!

"I was thinking I should give you a brushing." He laughs, holding out the nice wire brush that feels good for only sometime until I get tired of it and Danna has to stop before I get really really mad. Do you know that brush? It's like any brush ever. Too much touching is never a good thing?

Not a good thing when I say it is, so pay attention!

Danna brushes my hair for a bit, using his hands every so often to mix things up. Holy fish, this guy is a real gem, you hear me? I bet you losers wish you had a human as fine as mine. You all wish you had my Danna to touch and love you; fondle you where it feels really good.

Wait. What do you mean you're all humans too!? When did this happen! And you all still want my Danna? What!?

Blah! Who cares. I'm better and happier than you and that's that. You can never have a wonderful life as wonderful as me because mine is the most wonderful because my Danna is the most wonderful and he is in my life.

What's that? Some of you actually want my Danna in your lives and would pay me? Well he is not for sale!

"You're looking so good. So sexy Mr. Kitty." Danna says giving me some, guess what, WONDERFUL SMOOCHES.

I'm looking good? I am looking better, but Sexy? I don't know what that is but will take it as a compliment. Even though it sorta maybe sounds like baby and baby is a bad word. Right? Sexy and baby sound similar? They both end with an eeee.

You know, maybe and baby sound even closer than sexy and baby. Your language sure is weird. HEY. GOOPY SOUNDS LIKE POOPY. Was I insulted or am I misunderstanding things? Oh WELL. I'm still going to wake him up in the middle of the night as punishment. Maybe baby chew on his toes.

Danna turns around and presents me a tasty smelling hand. I wonder what's in there? "I think for all your hard efforts, someone gets a treat!" He opens it and THERE IS A TASTY IN THERE.

But Danna... I'm so fat I shouldn't.

"Don't worry lovely, this won't break your diet. These treats are extra low calorie."

I don't... I don't understand... Break the diet though? I think I get that and yes I want to break it. I want to smash it and explode it. Diets are bad and you should only do them if you want to, not because someone wants you to.

If the person loves you, they'll love you for you and not based on how much squishy you have on your belly.

Hey! Now that I look at myself, I have gotten a lot less squishy! Oh no!

Now there is less of me for Danna to love... Is that even safe? I will eat that treat thank you very much.

"Now you are healthy again so I can love you a long time!" Danna laughs as holds he me real good, giving my achy paws a break.

Yes! Love me and take care of me forever. And not these humans who are less wonderful than me. All attention goes to me and me only.

* * *

poopy goopy


	24. Taking care: Fishtanks

Wow, never have I ever seen something so... Wow. Just look at it. Look at that thing just do that thing that it does.

'Don't touch it. You better not touch it! It belongs to my Master Kisame so you cannot touch it!'

Okay, I didn't ask your opinion, Eyetachi. Besides I've known Kisame longer than you. Also, I was talking to my cool human friends who somehow manage to follow my Danna and I around and out of house. They also tag along when we sometimes go out on adventures.

Now that I think about it, I should charge you people. Danna is not a zoo creature! And if he was, you can't throw him peanuts. He's allergic.

Don't kill the man I love.

Back to whatever... Hey you! Yeah you with the face! If you are going to read any further, you'll have to pay, yeah!

'Pay? Who would pay to follow a dumb cat and a crazy man around.'

HMPH! Friends, you think I'm totally worth it, right? Or at least Danna is you mumble? What is with you guys and him! Well, you can pay me with... with... A smile!

You have to smile riiight, now!

'I can't tell if they're smiling...'

Gasp! That's because you're a stupid rat-dog!

I'm smart, I can totally tell that they smiled, yeah.

Hey, thanks for smiling my good friends. I think you are worth a smile too. Yeah, I'd smile but cats don't really smile. Besides, I wouldn't waste a smile on you, those would be reserved for Danna only.

'But you just said they're worth a smile...'

Oh my catnip... You need to really be quiet, yeah. Stupid ItachNO...

So what I am doing is sitting at the floor of a table at Uncle Kisame's house. The thing is... Well you see, it's not just any table. It's like a table and a thing that holds socks and Danna's panties. The only thing is this in particular has something really cool on it! I wonder what that thing up there with all them pretty colours is...

'It's a fish tank stupid.'

Okay, I'm not going to include this butt in my story telling anymore, yeah. Ecktachi, you are outta here! I'm sure that you human friends won't mind that the ugly creature is no longer involved with us, right?

Right.

The thing appears to be full of something, but I dunno what. All that I do know is I'm like, three seven tie nine four percent sure that's a fish floating in it. I like fish and -

'Tie isn't a number...'

YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO TALK TO ME OR TO MY FRIENDS, YEAH.

Excuse him. He's dumb. I'm pretty sure tie is a number too. It comes after nine. Yes, tie sounds right. Eight, nine, tie.

Jumping up onto the ledge of the table (because I am a professional jumper unlike some stupid little ratboy), I am now really really close to the fish! I love fish! I'm gonna - Hey wait... There is a forcefield around the fish...

Glass? Is this glass!? The thing that won't let me outside!? Does this not let the fish outside!? Does glass not let me eat the fish!? Hey Itanachihachigatchi, is the fish trapped in glass?

Oh dear he looks mad. Tachimamagachi, are you mad?

'NONE OF WHAT YOU CALL ME IS MY NAME. THAT ONE WASN'T EVEN CLOSE! I AM ITACHI.'

I invite him to talk and all he does is whine. What a baby, yeah.

"Hey! Itachi, stop barking!" Kisame yells from a couple rooms down. I should probably mention we're at his house. We as in Danna and I. Mm, and I guess you're here too, but I don't want you to be part of the we. We is reserved for just Danna and Deidara.

Deidara is me. Not you. Just in case you forgot. You people are too obsessed with my Danna for your own good. Not that Itchy matters either, yeah. What matters right now is the fish in the thing that holds the fish.

Jumping up on top of the thing that holds the fish that I want, I can see an opening. An opening I can exploit hehe. The problem is that this thing that holds the fish that I want is filled with water I can now understand, yeah.

The fish is in water though? Impossible! How does it breathe? It doesn't make any sense.

I have lots of options, well no just a couple really. It's either uh, drink all of the water or leave the fish alone. This water smells weird and there is too much sooo.

That last option is simply impossible. I just gotta have the fishy! I just gotta maybe take one and give it to my Danna as a gift and make him super happy. I have to do a good job in taking care of him!

-creek

Woah! This plastic thing I'm standing on is making scary noises! Don't -fall -don't -fall! Okay. I think I'm good. Maybe I can bite the fish when it comes to the surface, yeah...

-BARK!

Oh my tender kitty heart that scared me I- I- I- think I'm losing my balance! WAUGH! I FELL FACE FIRST INTO THE LITTLE OPENING! I AM IN THE WATER! DANNA! KISAME! ...ITACHI HELP!

"What the heck is going on over here - Deidara oh no!"

"What! What about my angelcake? OH MY SWEET LOVE BABY!"

I can't narrate who glub is glub talking glub glub. I'm dying, yeah. Glub, hopefully you're smart enough to figure that out glub. I doubt it though. Glub, take care of Danna for me.

Don't touch my stuff.

GASP! Danna yanks me out of the fish water (where I still have no fish) and swaddles me in his shirt because that is what he does. When did he take it off you ask? I was dying, yeah. I didn't have time to pay attention to things that like. Why would you even care about the stuff he has under his shirt? It's not like he hides anything tasty under there.

What's that? You find his chest area tasty? What are you - MONSTERS!?

UGH! GROSS.

The real good stuff is those finger and hands he's got, yeah. Not his chest! BLEGH. Stay away from my man you creepy creatures!

"Oh Dei-Baby, oh are you okay?"

No Danna I am not! Ee-dum-chi scared me and I fell in, yeah.

'Good.'

I ALMOST DIED.

'Good, I at least got you to say my name because I do believe you called out my name for help.'

HISS.

"You know what, Sas... I don't think Deidara and Itachi like each other that much." Kisame mumbles as he picks Stupidchi up.

Some punk is lookin for a fight - and I don't lose! Kisame I love ya, but I'm ready to beat your rat up to defend my honor!

Danna sighs and loves me so much with his warm body. "Yeah, I don't think so either."

Wow Danna, you're so smart, yeah. I'm so glad you understand my strong hate for that ugly rat thing.

"Aw, meow to you to baby."

Danna could be smarter though if he spoke animal. Wouldn't it be nice if we were the same species? Maybe there is a special drink from a doctor that can make us more compatible.

Hey friends, you hear of anything that will turn me human or Danna into a cat, you are obligated to let me know or you are the worst person ever and should probably chop your own butt off, yeah. Not telling us would be a sin and would make you just really nasty people.

Hey Danna! Can we go get real fish now?

"But he was after the fish tank... Aw my baby just wanted fishy... Don't worry angel, Danna will get you some yummy fish for dinner."

Meh, never mind on the we're not compatible enough thing. He seems to understand me juuuust fine, yeah.

* * *

I feel as if someone mentioned fishtanks as a topic before but I forget who.. hopefully no one got too lost reading this.


	25. Taking care: tuts

"Deidara! Tut tut tut! Come here quick"

I'm being summoned!

That tut tuts always get me. It's like a drug. Tut tut here, tut tut there, tut tut and I'm on my way! Come here quick though? Would I come any other way? Well, I may not move as fast if he tutted me while I was pooping. I love my Danna, but I certainly have my priorities.

"It's here! The custom order plush is here!"

Custom order plush? Oh right, about a month ago he was squealing over getting another me, I got mad and left a turd on the washroom floor, yeah. Danna wasn't too happy about that, but in my head it sure sounded like he either wanted to replace me or fall in love with another me. Both ideas I'm not too fond of. I'm a mad pooper though. Make me mad and my turds will be on everything y'all love.

I guess my main punishment was a photoshoot though. Aunty Konan came over and we took some regular pictures which weren't so bad...and then some glamour shots. We got the finished photos awhile ago and Aunty cried from laughing. I thought Danna and I looked so handsome. A little on the froufrou side though... Pink and frilly doesn't really suit Danna. Nor does it suit me so let's not ever do that again. Flashing lights also are bad. I hate that flashy box that Aunty has.

Hiss hiss.

Anyway, photo frames full of new pictures aside... What is in the super fun box Danna-Dear and can I have it afterwards, yeah. Oh! I was angry before an I can't remember why. Something about poops...

"Wow wow! It looks just like you!"

What the great golly fish sticks is that hideous thing!? THAT looks like me? Is THAT what I look like? I'm gonna kill it.

What is it you say? Oh right, I need to tell you first what I am looking at. It's just uh... Well I actually don't know what it is!

"I can't believe it only cost me eighty dollars to get a plush replica of my baby made!"

Did you understand that? I didn't. I got baby and I assume it's me since I'm his only baby as long as he's not secretly seeing someone and I really doubt it since he hasn't left the house in two weeks, yeah. He does take the garbage out I guess, but he skips on back indoors pretty quick.

Didn't he used to go to work? I wonder what happened...

"Isn't it cute?" Danna asks and shoves it in my face.

Is it bad that I don't know if that THING is alive or not? What I do know is I can tell it's a feline or perhaps a dog. I'm gonna hiss at it though. Y'know, I still have issues with that cat I sometimes see when I hop on the forbidden washroom counter. Wait! Wait a minute! This cat looks exactly like the cat in the washroom! Danna said this cat looks like me! AM I THE CAT IN THE WASHROOM?

Whoa! My head is like whoa! Danna, did you know about this? I am finding it hard to believe so I'm going to say it's wrong. I am so totally not the other cat on the bathroom counter, yeah.

"I can even put different little bows in its hair! How precious is that!"

You can put different little bows in MY hair.

I'm going to destroy that when he's asleep tonight. Danna is paying far too much attention to it and and and and where is he putting it? It's up there, yeah! Up on the bookshelf? Where I can't reach? Danna you clever chicken.

He picks me up and we sit on the couch together until Danna grabs his computer. "What should I buy next..."

This makes me think, Hidan says humans work, yeah. Hence why Kakuzu is never home with him. They work to make money, which Kakuzu loves more than anything. Money is used in exchange for goods. If Danna doesn't work, where does he get the money of all these dumb things?

All I know is Hidan told me that Kakuzu works so much as a distraction. Money is a distraction. He got a kitty in an attempt to get happy like Danna did with me, but working and earning money makes Kakuzu super happy much more, yeah.

"I'm going to let Konan know the plush came in..."

Which is why Kakuzu often threats to send Hidan back to the pound if he misbehaves. He and Danna say having a kitty can be expensive!

Hum, I don't know cause I am without a money paying job. My life is pretty luxurious although sometimes Danna can be a bit of a hassle, yeah. Do you kitty havers spend lots of money on your kitties? Are their lives luxurious?

I would say good if they are, but I like to fight other cats. Just like that awful thing that came in the box. I love boxes, but that thing ruined it for me!

I might only sit in that box one or seven times now because that other thing has been in it, yeah.

"Y-yeah! The Deidara plushie has come in... Aw Konan, you are going to think it's so cool."

Deidara plushie? Cool? Konan think it cooler than me!? What is this world coming to! It's me who is supposed to take care of Danna; not this weird plushie thing!

How dare he let it make him happy!

"I'm not sure... Let me call him over. Tut tut tut tut tut~"

Ugh! Not the tuts! Well too bad Danna, I'm going to give you a box of cold shoulder!

"Deidaraaa~ Tut tut tut!"

Frozen shoulder, baby!

"..."

Ooh so cold in here. This friends is how you let your man know you're grumpy, yeah! Silent treatment all the way! If I was super mad though I would poop on something. Did you know I do that? You did!?

How... Why... Do you watch me poop too!?

"Konan, I'll call you back... I think Deidara might be mad at me."

Hmph! Told ya!

"Hey lovely lips, why are you not looking at me? Did I do something to upset you?" He coos coming near me. I ain't even gonna flinch though.

Of course you did! Hmph!

"Baby, what did I do? Let me know so I take care of it and fix everything."

That thing up there! Looking up at that stupid PLUSHIE I just gotta hiss.

"Hm...? Oh? Oh! The cat plush? You don't like the cat plush?"

Plush, plushie... Whatever you call it! It's obvious you're trying to replace me with a clearly not superior cat. Danna, I know you're a little wacky quacky, but come on. Get your act together. I rule this catdom, yeah.

It's like when Hidan comes over. I don't let him boss me around!

Huh? What's that you say? But I let him make me feel insecure about my appearance? You're not helping me win the argument! You're either with me or against me you stinky humans!

Oh - oh Danna don't bring the plush thing towards a me! No! No I just wanna kill it! How dare you Danna touch and look at that monstrosity when you could do those things with me!

I'm going to hit it!

"Whoa baby! Gentle, this thing cost me a pretty penny."

I don't know what a penny is, but I hate it cause it's being used against me and my desire to destroy the stupid plush, yeah.

"Deidara-sweetie, this thing here isn't real. It's just a toy. Like the little toy mousies you have."

You mean my collection of dead mice is a collection of fakes? You sayin I didn't slay them? ARE YOU SAYING I AM A FAKE?

"Whoa! Sugar, you need to calm down and not hiss so much..." He looks at the toy and oh that makes me madder. "I didn't think this would be such a problem... You sure are upset."

I AM FURIOUS.

"Let's get you some catnip. That might help you mellow out..."

Oooh! Catnip!

-x-

Whoa! So friends I am whoa... Okay so I need to... What was I mad about?

"Now you're all loopy, I'm going to put this away and hope you forget about it. For my little babies sake, we can pretend I never purchased it."

Whatever you say man. Whatever.

"Konan is on her way over though."

Whaaatever, yeah.

Hey friends... Do you know what I think? I think what if life would be like is Danna was tha catta and notta me-ah.

I'm so funny. Bye friends, I need to... Whatever.

"Hey Deidara, tut tut tut, come snuggle with me."

Yes sir...

* * *

fyi sasori does have a job. he works part time at Kisame's business when he's not feeling too sick. like paperwork he can do at home. Kisame is such a sweet and supportive friend :)


	26. Taking care: kitty cold

"Lovey dovey."

Yes Danna?

"I love you so much my most greatest treasure."

Oh! Well I love you too Danna. I wouldn't call you a treasure though. I like to put those underneath the couch and hide them there. However yeah, you are totally the most greatest of my possessions... You also do like to hide in your bed underneath all the covers. That's sorta like being under the couch. So does that make you a treasure?

Hey friends! Is my Danna considered my treasure because he is super and belongs to me? Huh!? You grind your teeth and think of him every night because he's YOUR treasure!?

Huh? What do you imagine of him doing? Eating, laughing, smiling... You imagine him playing in bed with some hotsy totsy?

What is wrong with you people!?

Danna! You are definitely my treasure and my treasure alone. Whoever this person-thing that our friends are thinking of... Ooh they're so wrong!

People don't get interested in Danna. People move away from him in public. If Hotsy totsy has any self respect or standards, they won't go near Danna.

But it's you guys! You guys need some serious help! Go see Dr. Orochimaru, he's great!

All things aside though...

Danna, I'm going to make myself comfortable on you. I need to stake out my territory so our weird friends make sure they keep their weird fantasies in their brains and not on my Danna.

Yeah you guys heard me. You friends should know by know he's an easy crier and like fish sticks I'm letting you make my man cry!

So lemme just get super comfy...

"Aww! My little love muffin in kneading me!"

Of course! I - ACHOO!

"What!? Baby you sneezed! Why did you sneeze? Are you okay? Are you dying - are you sick - are you dying!?"

No...no I'm fine it's just I - ACHOO!

"Oh no... Oh no, oh no!"

I'm just sleepy, maybe If I take a good nap I will feel better. Danna, I kneaded you so now we have to snuggle.

"Okay... Go to sleep my darling angel but I'm going to find out why you're sneezing!" He says grabbing his new flat thing I'm not allowed to touch.

Relax Danna... It's probably nothing. Just play on your warm tacky tacky click thing that you shriek over. What was it... Lappy? Oh wait, I guess this is the new thing he bought for himself... Tabby?

I can't remember all these new words of things that don't interest me!

"The websites are telling me probably that it's probably nothing... That is unless you start oozing... So let me know how you're feeling a little later, okay darling?"

Yeah... Sure Danna... Achoo! But I'm going to sleep now. I've had not nearly enough of it today. That must be the reason I'm making the weird things that only happen sometimes and have not happened that often in my life... I believe the word Danna used was SNEEZE.

-x-

ACHOO!

I'm dying.

Eh? No not that kind of dying! Please don't get all riled up and concerned for my well being. It's just - Oh friends... I feel awful, Danna looks awful, and it's probably all my fault! Unless it's actually all your guyses fault...

Just watch as you humans cursed us...

Yes you heard me! Because Danna and I are sooo happy in love, you people come along and try to ruin it just because you're miserable and alone!

What's that, achoo? Desperate for a pet cat? All alone in a new dorm? You, the one who wishes they had me and things that aren't quite me?

HA! Leave us be in love. Unless you have snacks and toys because those are quite lovely. Also I don't know what Danna does when he leaves the house. Do you know? I mean, I don't get to see you friends all that often. I just want to know what he is up to and if he has lots of fun without me.

I bet some of you are just waiting until I'm out of the way so YOU can take care of him. YEAH. LIKE THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.

Oh- oh right! Oh my poor, sweet Danna! His eyes are all swollen from so much crying that he had to call Kakuzu to drive us somewhere that I don't know where, but I have a hunch it's not back to Kakuzu or Konan's house, achoo.

Driving is kind of a scary thing, y'know? When I'm in my crate and the world doesn't feel quite right... It's an odd experience that I'm not particularly fond of, achoo.

Whenever we drive it's always somewhere fun. Not counting Kakuzu's house because Hidan is NOT fun. Now that I think about it, Uncle Kisame's house has gotten a lot less fun now that Itachi has moved in.

Ooh I just hate that rat-faced jerk!

There is another place that's worse than those two places though. That place gives me the shivers, achoo.

After a long sobbing ride in the back seat of Uncle Kakuzu's car we finally got to the place and now we're all stuck in the VETS office. YEAH YOU HEARD ME. This is terrible! I hate the vet, the vet is the worst!

Nononononono!

This place is almost as bad as when we used to go to that one groomer until they accidentally cut too much nail off and they hurt me. Ohhh Danna was so mad. He threw the biggest hissy fit I had ever seen, achoo. Danna had the ~crazy~ eyes. He made the lady who hurt me cry y'know. I was so little back then... That was when he screamed how I was his "baby". From that day on I learned that word how it's another word for Deidara.

A lot of things also mean Deidara... Hey! Danna doesn't call me by that version that often and it makes me wonder why, achoo.

Oh? You have to ask why we needed to go to the vet in the first place? Hah hah. Well, isn't it obvious? I went to sleep not feeling too good, and then I woke up leaky and feeling worse! Danna told me that the inner nets says I have a kitty cold... Or worse, an infection!

I blame the inner nets for my infection. That sounds like a infection giving thing. Don't get me wrong though! You curse doers are not off the hook just yet! Danna is different. He's mad with my food provider company because I'm on a expensive vitamin rich diet that is supposed to keep me healthy and not - ACHOO!

"Uh...uhuu.. My poor sugar lumps is s-suffering..." Danna sobs, moving around my little crate so he can look in and see me. Why can't I just sit on his lap? I promise I won't run away and hide until there is giving up and we go home... Like the last time...

Hello Danna. I'm mad and don't want to be here at all. Vet is terrible so please let us go home and snuggle instead, achoo.

"Uhhhuuu! You look so sad in there all sick! My poor, beautiful treasure... I love you so much!"

Tch! I don't want to be here at all. I'm going to curl into a ball and you can talk to my rear end instead; but I love you too, Danna.

"Uh, hey Sasori..." I hear Kakuzu speaking now. "Do you think you could tone down the crazy cat mom thing a little bit while in public?"

"HOW? HOW CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS SUFFERING LIKE THIS, BUT CAN'T TELL ME WHAT HE NEEDS."

I need to go home and nap some more.

"Yeah, okay but - "

"There is nothing I can do for you baby! I'm the worst, the absolute worst! I've done this to you my little Prince of Cuteness. I'm the one who should be suffering, not you!"

Uncle Kakuzu sighs loudly but doesn't criticize Danna. Looking back... I can see just barely... I can see him patting Danna's shoulder. Yes, Kakuzu is definitely petting Danna to calm him down. Good idea Kakuzu!

"Uhuu... What if Deidara starts to hate me!"

Look at all those tears... Oh but Danna, that's impossible! I may get grumpy, but hate is a strong word.

If I move just right I can see even better. Kakuzu has wrapped an arm around him a little more to rub his shoulder and is tapping his arm instead. How comforting. I wish could get out and comfort my Danna. It's my job to take care of him!

"I've seen the relationship between you and your cat. Yeah I don't see that happening."

Darn right, Kakuzu! We may have our spats now and then, but I would like to think I have my Master trained fairly well. It's only sometimes he messes up. Me? I never mess up. I am perfect. I take good care of my Danna.

"Akasuna, we can see you and your cat now."

Who said that? Was that a woman asking for my Danna!? Danna I thought we agreed women were no good unless they were Aunty Konan! What if this lady IS the vet. WHAT IF IT'S CHIYO - THE WORST LADY ALIVE!

Oh no... Oh no, oh no.

-x-

I don't exist. You can't see me. I am not here and you cannot touch me.

"Come on pretty baby, come out from hiding back there so you can be checked out. Tut tut tut."

No.

"Deidara, please."

Oh, now the using my name and the please word! Next thing you know he will be crying again and I will be the worst kitty ever, ACHOO!

"So Deidara is an aid cat?" Says the nasty vet who is not the usual person we see.

Apparently that guy isn't IN today. Whatever THAT means... Oh well, this person is new but I still don't trust them, cough.

Danna doesn't respond to her. He has that look in his eyes that happens when he's far too upset. It happens when he's having a bad couple weeks or right after he's been triggered by something. Whatever happened, he's too upset to talk to strangers right now.

So listen up vet lady, yes I am his aid.

"Aw, what a cute little meow... But I can't speak kitty so I'm just going to hope Mr. Akasuna's big friend here can help me."

She's not rude, but I still don't wanna be here so I'm just going to crawl into Danna's arms and hide. Besides, it's not like I could run away, not when he's like this. My Danna needs me right now and his needs go above mine, achoo.

That is unless I'm hungry and he's hungry then he has to feed me first. Also if he's sleeping too long and I want to play or eat. Then I will wake him up by sitting on his face or being super irritating, achoo. I'm really good at those things. I'm also super good at peeing on the carpet. Did you know I wrote a song about doing that?

"Ah yes ma'am. Deidara is an service aid cat for Sasori's... disabilities. He's very attached to his cat - "

"Yes, I can certainly see that..." She snorts.

Kakuzu grunts. "This isn't even HALF of it. Anyway, make this cat better and you will not only have saved an animals life but also a humans. That cat dies, this guy dies."

"Ah, I understand."

Danna has bumpy skin and his hair is up on ends. This talking isn't making me happy either! How dare they talk like my Danna, achoo, is going to die.

OVER MY DEAD BODY!

WHOA.

Blegh blegh! She just snatched me from Danna and clipped my neck. Blegh blegh I can't move. Blegh blegh she's touching me and looking at me and WATCH YOUR HANDS LADY. Bleeeegh that light is bright. Oh blegh this is terrible - I HATE the vet. Blegh blegh. What is THAT? Bleeeeh.

"Good news Mr. Akasuna! This is just a common cat cold, it's nothing to be concerned about." She says way too happy. Ugh these vets are crazy people I tell ya. "Just give him one of these little pills twice a day for a week and it in meat if you must. They will speed the healing process."

I like meat but I won't take medication. Nope you can't make me do nothin! Cough.

"He isn't going to want to eat or drink, so make sure you encourage little Deidara here to do so. Also make sure to keep up with wiping at the discharge."

Yes, please wipe my eyes - NO NOT YOU DUMB VET!

"My beloved star of happiness is going to be okay... Thank goodness. I will do anything to make sure that Deidara goes through this experience as smoothly as possible."

Aww! I will do anything for my Danna too! I love him the most in the whole big wide world, achoo.

Vet person pets my under chin. If Danna wasn't snuggling me down I wouldn't let her. "It's nice to see people who love their pets so much." She says.

-x-

Well the ride home wasn't much fun, but at least it wasn't as depressing as the ride to the vet. Danna was very quiet and just held onto me in my crate the whole time, achoo. Didn't even talk to me, not even once. Then again neither did Kakuzu.

Kakuzu is a good guy. Sorta. I think he can relate to Danna a bit, like a big brother. I think when Uncle Kakuzu was younger, he felt similar to Danna. I mean... the guy seems fine! Hidan says he's an aid kitty too, but just a little different.

Something about Kakuzu needing to learn to have REAL affection for things. Which is ridiculous to think of because it looks more like people don't have affection for HIM based on all the cuts he has.

Anyway, I think Uncle managed to get a soft spot for Danna. They get along very well, cough.

Konan told me a secret and apparently ships it. Where to? I have no clue.

* * *

Sasori spent the next week and a half doting on kittydei. there so no real difference in their usual routines. poor kittydei tho :(


	27. Taking care: Valentine

"It's the most, wonderful time of the year~"

Danna keeps singing that dumb thing as he frolics around the living room, decorating the surrounding area in very specific lovey-dovey cat decorations for some reason.

Well you see, today is apparently The Valentine's Day, the special day you spend lavishly loving your special somebody. And who is Sasori's special somebody? Why! It's me, Deidara of course! This is the point of this stupid holiday, right? To love and worship ME, yeah. It's also apparently a good day because Danna says he feels like his love for me is more accepted. Danna says the "ONLINE" says being single with a cat is apparently "TRENDING". Whatever trending is, it's apparently worth celebrating.

As long as my Danna is happy though.

Just between the bunch of us, I honestly don't understand what that means. I know I know... The great Deidara has let you down. Don't worry though, yeah! This is the perfect opportunity for you friends to do something for yourselves instead of ME doing all the work. Yes! Go find out what TRENDING and ONLINE mean for yourselves like real adults.

What's that? You say I can't even feed myself without Danna's help? Rude.

Hmph! Well just for your information, he's preparing these super new homemade gourmet kitty treats, made of only the FINEST ingredients. Well, that's nothing new since he already makes sure his baby gets only the best. Like everyday. Oh and I'm his baby by the way, yeah. Not you.

Glancing down, he smiles at the little golden precious bundle of sweet sunshine who is sitting at his feet, eagerly waiting for a toss of a snack he knew the human wouldn't be able to resist but give him, yeah. That little golden precious bundle of sweet sunshine is ME by the way. Not you.

"Aww, does my honeybun want a pre-dinner snackie?"

Yes sir!

"Here you go..." He coos as he gives me a nibble of sweet delicious chicken breast.

Mmm, so good.

"Agh! You're just so cute!"

I know, I know... It's a real gift to be this fantastic. However Danna, you too are a real catch! If I were a human, just for one night, I would do whatever you say to please you. Also if you were a fish, I wouldn't release you back into the wild.

Our love is mutual, not like the love I know you hold for my Danna which is super not mutual. He doesn't love you back and never will. Don't even try you... Creepy loner. Yeah! That's why you're here today and not with your special somebody! Haha, loooser!

"Well the snacks are prepared, and I finished you're super special gourmet dinner earlier. Time to make my dinner so we can have our dinner date together."

Oh Danna, we have dinner dates every night! What would make this one so special? Well, I guess that goes to show you how much he loves and takes care of me.

"I've lit the candles and here..."

Red flowers?

"They're roses! The flower of love~"

Yes okay, but can I eat them?

"No Deidara! You can't eat them, stop!"

Well okay then... If you say so. They're still mine right and not for these creepy loners? Because I they're now for them you can forget about any snuggles since you already said this is basically LOVE DEIDARA day.

"Let's just sit down and have a nice meal together okay?"

Fine fine. Let's enjoy Love Deidara Day which is everyday, yeah.

-x-

"Ugh! I ate way too much!"

Un! Me too!

"I just wanna sleep! But I had so many more romantic plans for us!"

I want to sleep too! But that's always what I do... Oh Danna, don't feel too bad. I'm sure whatever you had planned would be unpleasant anyway. The last holiday, Christmas was it? Well the new toys were fun, but that sweater was just awful. Why! Why the matching sweaters!? I hate sweaters!

Oh! Danna is crawling on the couch and is patting his chest for me to sleep on. That there is my spot to sleep on - that whole area in fact. Y'know Danna in whole belongs to me. Not you, me. Today on this so called VALENTINES, and apparently not just basically love Deidara day psh, you're going to be somewhat alone, yeah. Somewhat cause I don't know how you keep breaking into our house. Our house as in it belongs to Danna and I. Not you. Never you.

"Hey Deidara, will you be my Valentine?"

Your what? Well, I don't know what that is entirely, but I'm sure if I say no someone will say yes and take my position. Also if I say no you'll cry. So I'll just lick your nose, okay Danna?

"Oh my sweet Valentine!"

Mm... Snugly warm Danna chest all for me.

Yeah... Never ever you...

* * *

happy vday. next chapter will be a bit of a follow up on this one. what happens whooooo knowsss. well I do... but shhhh! BYE LONELY LOSERS SORRY THIS WASN'T SO GREAT. the next will be better i promise.


	28. Taking care: dreams

Mm, that was a good nap. Although... When have I ever NOT had a good nap? Naps are always the best though after a delicious meal, and the meal we had earlier was super duper delicious.

Valen-Love-Deidara-Day should be every day.

Wait. Why are you guys still here? Did you seriously stay and watch Danna and I sleep!? Yeesh you guys are a bunch of lonely weirdos. Oh, but I'll let it go this time. You were all probably alone on the so called "VALENTINES DAY" and were miserable. Not the Love Deidara Day, HMPH!

I'm so kind, yeah. Still though, why you all gotta be such creeps?

Hold on a moment - why are you looking at me like that? Is there food on my face; cause if there is I was totally saving it for later! I swear!

Grumble grumble.

Like now! I eat it now, just let me get it with my paw and -

Hey that ain't no paw.

That a hand. That a HUMAN hand. But I can't SEE the human! Where is it!? All I see are you guys and Danna who is still sleeping and this hand and - OH MY GOSH THERE ARE TWO FLOATING HANDS AND THEIR AFTER THE FOOD ON MY FACE!

Waaait a minute now, you say there isn't food on my face? Then why the heck is are the magic hands after!? Hey wait once more... Two magic human legs! What's going on here!? I gotta run and -

OOF!

I fell on the floor from way up high! How did that happen?

"Mmmmmnn... What was that?"

Danna is awake! He can save me, he's always out to take care of me and make sure that I'm safe! My dear, brave Danna...

"Oh thank goodness Danna! There is a freaky monster human thing attacking me, yeah!"

"Uhhnn!" Danna shrieks, ow, shoving me away, ow. "Who are you!?"

Gasp! He doesn't recognize me? His own beloved baby!? I'm going to poop somewhere he doesn't want me to so bad. Or maybe throw up on the rug... Yeah, Danna hates it when I do that.

"Danna! It's me, Deidara! Help me I'm under attack by these phantom hands, see look!"

I gotta make sure I wave them around in front of his face so he can see them extra well. Hold on a minute, I can control them? Okay, this is getting REAL freaky. This has -

"...gotta be a dream or something..."

Yes Danna! I couldn't have said it better myself!

"Deidara! You became a real human!

"What's the difference between a fake human and a real one?"

"And whoa! A human boy!" Danna shakes his head frantically and rubs his eyes. "This has got to be a dream! But it feels just too real!"

I'm lost. What's going on? Hey you guys, was this why you were staring at me like that? It was!? Why didn't you tell me in the first place! Now I look like such a Itachi! Which is my special way means dummy if you didn't already know, Itachi.

Hehe.

"I mean, you're naked, but you're human!" Ooh, his face got red real fast just after saying that.

"Yeah, oh I'm okay, I -"

"Wait you can speak?"

"Yeah."

"And can understand me!?"

"Uh, yeah."

Danna looks scared now. Nervous maybe? No, this is definitely his nervous breakdown face. Uh oh, I better spring into my loving and consoling action! It's my job to make sure he's okay after all.

"Could you... Understand me while you were a cat?"

"Of course!" Just lemme nuzzle into you. "You raised me to understand Humanglish."

Ooh, he turned even more red. This must be the embarrassed emotion I've heard Dr. Orochimaru talk about. Well, it's either that of he's taking a poop cause sometimes when I watch Danna poop his face turns red.

"How did this happen, how come you look like a more mature version of what I drew up of you?" He hollers as he runs out of the room, returning really fast with one of his shirts and a pair of his 'special' shorts.

"Dunno, yeah."

He quickly dresses me since I'm fine being naked, but apparently it bothers him. Maybe red faces hurt and my body as a human makes his face red. He also couldn't seem to look at my nakedness. I must have a weird human body. It makes sense though as I'm not quite a professional at this.

I mean, remember when he was all crazy about that human that was supposedly supposed to look like me? I wish I looked, even just a little like them so Danna would be happy... Not this red faced panicky mess!

"I'm going to hug you."

Huh? Okay, hug my nuzzle but... "That's a nice grip you have on my shoulders, ow, but you've hugged me a five tillion nillion times before, so that's nothing new."

Danna pulls me into a hug and sighs loudly. Hugs when in human form like this feel... Different. It's nice getting hugs when a cat, but that's something else. This just feels overall... Incredible. I don't want him to ever let go, yeah.

"I can't believe this is real, it must be a dream." He mumbles into my long golden hair.

"I can't see this being real, but I feel I should enjoy it since we both seem to be experiencing the same dream, yeah."

Danna pulls away and gives me a sad look. "You don't think this is real?"

"Unfortunately not. I'm a cat, not a human. Cats can't become human and humans can't become cats. I'm a feline Danna, not a stupid little dog named Itachi."

He gives me a weirded look like he doesn't understand. What's not to understand? Itachi is stupid and I am not stupid. Simple as that.

He's the same as you. It must be a human thing. What a shame.

"If this is a dream then, we better enjoy ourselves before we're forced to wake up up." He mumbles, caressing my sweet spot behind my ears.

Baby liiikes.

"Well Danna, what do you want to do? You are my loving master and I will do anything to please you, yeah."

"A-anything to please me?"

"Of course! You raised me since I was a baby and have shown me nothing but pure love. I would be honored to do anything to make you happy."

"Oh, Deidara... You've made my life so happy just being a kitty. You were the one who took care of me and I love you so much for it. I - C-can I kiss you?"

Huh? Oh jeeze not this again!

"You kiss me, even when I'm a cat, yeah."

"O-on the mouth this time?"

Eh?

"You kiss me on the mouth, even when I'm a cat."

He's getting messed up now looking for something to do with me.

"Mm... Right. We could eat a meal together?"

"We already do that everyday, yeah. In fact, we had a delightful meal earlier!" I laugh, patting his and my belly. "That was great!"

"Right right..." he nods. "Back to the kissing, c-can I still maybe kiss you?"

"Yeah, of course you can! I'm the only one you're allowed to kiss anyway."

"H-huh?"

"Danna only belongs to me. I love Danna. He is my precious master who takes the best care of me. Thank you, Danna!"

Did I say something wrong? He's looking at me in a weird way. Almost like he's going to faint - aw jeeze! Danna, don't faint on me now! You see, he always faints when he gets too stressed or anxious. My poor Danna. I better kiss him.

So lets lick his face, shall we?

"Eugh, that's not quite what I meant by kiss..."

Picky guy isn't he? Still, he belongs to me even if I'm not a cat anymore. Don't you people think that just cause I'm a human, you can crawl around on the floor all 'purry purry' and Danna will come all lovey dovey for you.

"If anything I've been down on my knees before MY Danna my entire life, yeah."

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Oh! You weren't supposed to hear that. I was talking to our creepy friends."

He looks confused.

"Who?"

"Exactly." I purr as I hug my special man. "They don't matter."

Nyeh!

Mm, I can feel him caressing my hair again. I guess he's into petting me while I'm both a human and cat. Interesting.

"Can I b-brush your, might I say, 'lovely' long hair?"

Hmm, my hair is pretty long isn't it. Why is it so long in comparison to Danna's? Why wasn't I humanated with the short hair? It's like how he sorta imagined me. Is that what I look like then? Woo-hoo! Deidara's doing something right.

"Danna, you brush my hair all the time when I'm a cat."

Looks like Danna's thinking real hard about something. I guess it's hard to plan something fun when all he does to me as a cat are the thing he can do to another human. There is nothing he can do to me now that he can't do to a cute lil kitty me. Nothing at all.

"Wh-what if we- oh no! We can't do that. Never do that! Bad Sasori!" He shrieks, pounding around his face.

"What's a bad Danna? What are you thinking of doing with me? Oh! Are you withholding something really fun we can do together!? I'm offended! Take me there to do it right now! Come on! Take me right now! Do it!"

"I - I - I -"

Ohhh Danna fainted.

Maybe he's just not ready for a human Deidara yet. Or ever will be. I should put him back on the couch though since humans don't tend to sleep on floors. I just hope I can get him up there... I mean it's not that high of a up.

And NOOO I don't need your help.

I just... One, two, three, OOF.

Phew! Okay he's safe on the couch. It's just I'm tired now and could... Yawn! Really go for a cat nap, yeah... Just let me snuggle back on his comfy chest... And have a good rest.

Ugh it's weird to sleep on top of a human when you're a human. Wait, no wait. I figured it out, I'm comfy now. You can go away now please.

-x-

Oh that was delightful! Hm? Is it morning already? Well, if I'm human now I can -

Hey, I'm not a human anymore! I knew it was too good to be true! Now Danna and I will never be together in the weird 'do it' manner he talked about last night.

If that was ever a thing...

Hey! Danna wake up! Feed me! Talk to me! Love me!

"Mm... Hey lovely bumps, guess we slept the whole night huh?"

Yes! No wait - we didn't! We woke up and I was a human! We talked to one another and hugged a very special hug! What happened to that tender moment we had together where we acknowledged our thankfulness of taking care of each other!?

"Wow Deidara, you sure are frisky this morning. Did you have any good dreams?"

Dreams? Dreams!? I don't understand this DREAMS. Is this a ritual that takes place after The Valentines Day? If it is, I no longer want Love Deidara Day affiliated with such weirdness, yeah.

Scooping me up he gives me a bunch of kisses and a rub behind the ears. "I'll take that as a yes, okay my lil precious angel?"

Oh fine. Yeah, sure...

Hey human weirdos... You... you were there, right? What just happened? What are dreams, and when can I have my next one? Maybe during my next dream Danna and I can do "it". Whatever that "it" means.

* * *

this has been requested so much omg. finally kittydei has been humanfied, but only in his dream! poor honey. hopefully u can tell when Sasori talks and when Deidara does. BYE LOSERS


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